JUNE 19

1939 1:15 – And I thought I wasn’t going to the dance! – Egad – A 6 ft blond from N. Dakota – Sara’s friend – And I saw Ray! And was he bowled over – I hope he was duly impressed – Everyone was there

1940 12:00 Bob, Leonard, Emil + I went to My S. My Son this afternoon… I went out to school… at last had the opportunity to tell Leonard that what he wrote in my Edda was the nicest thing that has ever happened to me… He bolted before I could say the rest; he was floored, I think – + a little scared… I talked to Kenny

1941 Minneapolis – Bob. Mr. Witmer – swell – okay Joe – told me to go to New York! – said I could do anything I wanted to! Still think I want to be at Auggie n. yr.

1942 Fri * Made Kay ok posters all day. La- de-da. While I was at Bernie H’s recital, Mother entertained R.H.#, L + B. I brought John + D.J. back for coke + ice cream

1943 SAT Wow! Jarv certainly hasn’t changed! He was over this afternoon… He now weighs 210!… Baked a cake, cleaned the apartment very well (+ was duly appreciated) Stayed up late washing my hair + ironing.

JUNE 15

1939 Thursday – After almost a week – a date – it wasn’t the same – Felt awful all day – no ambition – “Dodge City”

1940 2:00 Saturday – Played tennis – hot swell (I won’t wear that new pantie girdle to play in anymore!) Ate lunch with Jean V. talked with Emil + Leonard… Emil wanted me to break my date w/ Bill to go on a picnic tomorrow… Date w/ Spence

1941 June 16 – Oh hell – 2 days left – talked w/ Mr. Eide – I guess I’ll have to go to M! – Will I be at Auggie? – I’m getting a little more nerve about Plymouth

1942 Mon 12:45 – I had a date with Joe Johnson tonight. He is swell, but slightly alien to my nature, I’m afraid. In a way, I hope you called Leonard. In a way – not.

1943 TUES GEE, I’M TIRED… N-H-H-H-G. [PEARL GETS ALL THE PHONE calls!] … JARV DIDN’T call… HOPE HE HASN’T BEEN SHIPPED, yet. I HAVEN’T GOT STRENGTH FOR ANYTHING BUT BED. WROTE Leonard  LETTER ABOUT July Fourth… I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

 

MARCH 30

1939 Thursday tomorrow at 10:00 in the fatal hour... I pray that I can do credit to myself... Joe + I got here about 6:00... Pretty hectic traveling, but fun! - Clara + Bernice Ruth + Scott over out - I wanted to stay home + compose myself... Clara feels terrible about not placing... I'm glad I'm not in ex temp or debate... Joe + I heard Wyman he was swell... We ate at an awfully nice place... The kids are certainly all very swell... Ray kissed me good-bye at the depot

1940 Sat 2:00 I swear I can't tell whether Bill means what he says... Regardless of the cause - it was rather a thing to hear a fella say "I love you" - I'm sure he is spoiled, egotistical, selfish - But he certainly has me confused... I can't understand it... Leonard sent me some hose + a rose "because two went down + only our rose" ! - Egad what a mess

1941 It was really perfect out today - Would have been nice to be out - romancing on a balmy night like this - But instead I worked down at school + came home, took a bath + made lists of stuff to do... I'm hungry

1942 Mon Damn, I would like to have had that part in Sky-Lark! - But maybe it's better I didn't... (I'm bitchy enough as it is) We printed etchings furiously all day - Cut Hookman's hair -

1943 TUES 1:00 Jarv has been swell to me. I will miss him. Even if Leonard hadn't happened to me, though, I don't think I could ever marry him, so he mentioned. The dance was fine; wore my white jersey, gardenias + no stockings. And was kissed in a taxi.

MARCH 28

1939 10:45 Gave my oration for Hugo tonight. I'd be okay if I only knew it. Ray came out after me... I certainly get along perfectly well with him.

1940 Thurs. The Edda is in a horrible mess... Kenny has sold exactly 1/2 enough ads - I wish I knew what to do!... Made a lot of posters... Rained to beat anything this aft... Got caught in it... Ushered at C. Music deal tonight -

1941 11- Wish it was a wk from today - I feel awful. - Fell off the sets (a folding chair) nearly amputated an arm - ha... ha - ha (I'm going to have a PRACTICE TEACHER! - ------ Oh yes, Fred was married today - I barely remember him.

1942 SAT 1:20 READING Buddenbrooks is entertaining, but not what I'd consider a no. 1  8 at Eve! I wonder if Leonard was writing or if someone had him out R. Date... Well, filled classes this aft. - Summer School Schedule figgered out. -

1943 SUN Was quiet, letter writing + lonesome to be home this Sunday... But Stan McCormick called about 6:00. Took Peg + me to dinner... He's certainly not changed; (nor smoother) Then Peg + I went to the West End Bar to meet Jarv + his brother.

MARCH 25

1939 6:30 SAT (6 of us stayed over at Vercoe's tonight) - I started at 9:00 + worked almost steadily all day for the banquet. Ray came out to school after me about 6:45. We went to a show about 9:30 - (I took my p.j.'s with me!) He treated me just perfectly. I was a little surprised + more than somewhat thrilled over at V's we all talked in our p.j.'s in front of the fireplace till 6:00 Sun.

1940 Mon. Coming home. Miss Farley is here - some company... My arm aches from carrying pkg's around all afternoon in M. Field's... Bought knock out of white silk jersey formal, black jersey jacket, sweater, etc... Left Eleanor with Bob it was keen seeing her... Went Art Institute this aft

1941 ANOTHER BURNER/// GOD, GIVE ME STRENGTH TO GO THROUGH THIS - /// TONIGHT I HAD CHAMPAGNE - TASTES SOMETHING LIKE APPLE CIDER VINEGAR... TOMMY WASN'T TOO BAD - HE HAS SUCH BLACK EYES; BUT HE'S TOO MUCH OF A HELLER FOR ME - DD HOW LITTLE HIS KISSES AFFECTED ME... IN FACT, I DON'T THINK I CARE TO SEE HIM ANY MORE - I FEEL GOOD

1942 Wed Creative writing - I came right home - Damn. - Hoped someone might perchance walk home w/ me -

1943 THURS Jarv. called up and we went out. I took us to "Casablanca" It was his birthday! (25) We walked home Riverside Way and, inevitably, the issue arose. But was properly + definitely clarified. We talked and talked. I feel much better.

MARCH 20

1939 Mon 10:00 I don't know if that "4:30" was worth it... I felt marvelous - all morning, but plenty awful afterward I just made up my mind to ask Tommy for R. Date - Viv was ahead of me.

1940 Wed 2:55 (I hope the $10 is worth this) I'm such a goon. I always think I can do things in 10 minutes - Well it took me all day. - Working every minute! Tomorrow I won't be sleeping here.

1941 Hmm whom should I see but Fred + Mary E. as I was coming home from play practice - Damn! - I never thought he'd go for a peroxide blonde.

1942 FRI Amazingly ambitious all day, but came home from school with a nasty disposition. (Entirely uncalled for) Baby, it's just as well you didn't go out tonight - It's 12 -

1943 SAT 12:30 MIGOSH BUT I'M TIRED... WORE MYSELF OUT, SHOPPING TODAY. (DOESN'T look LIKE I GOT MUCH, BUT I CERTAINLY SPENT A LOT OF MONEY) I WISH I HADN'T HAD TO GO OUT TONIGHT, BUT COULD HAVE STAYED HOME + gotten ORGANIZED... I WANTED IT TO BE NICE + FUN tonight FOR JARV. UNFORTUNATELY HE WAS DISTINCTLY FRUSTRATED!

MARCH 13

1939 10:40 Monday Woke up feeling swell... I got even with Wyman, but I guess it wasn't worth it. He asked someone else to the J.S. Fooled all day.

1940 Wed 12:45 - Acc. depressing job of filling out information for Placement Bureau today. I wonder if I'll be teaching next year... Hugo still wants me to take up that Plymouth deal...

1941 10:30 LE MARS BOYS WON THEIR FIRST ROUND IN THE DISTRICT WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEEN IT... JUMPY... HAD A FREE NIGHT... DAMNED IF I CAN STILL SIT WHEN I HAVE THE CHANCE. I FEEL FAT... WONDER WHEN (AND IF) I'LL EVER SEE FREDDIE AGAIN... AND WHAT HE'LL SAY... ? ? ?  DIDN'T DO MUCH TEACHING TODAY... IN FACT, NOT MUCH OF ANYTHING - WHY START NOW?

1942 Fri Was a good gal + stayed home tonight, although Leonard did call... Gee, the more "reassured" I get - the more scared I am... Dumb, ain't I... How will it all work out? - Washed my hair, me + clothes. Surprisingly wasn't too tired today -

1943 SAT AFTER A MILDLY frustrating MORNING [MY GARTER BROKE; IT TURNED COLD, SNOWED and RAINED VIOLENTLY] I RESTED, WASHED OUT SOME STUFF, AND JARV CAME OVER THIS AFT. - WE TALKED FOR HOURS - HE IS MORE INTELLIGENT THAN I THOUGHT. THE FORMAL DANCE IS THE 29TH, PROBABLY - I HOPE IT WILL BE. JARV HAS BEEN NICE TO ME + I LIKE HIM.

MARCH 11

1939 11:30 The Day Dumb. All I can ever manage to get done on a Saturday is to get the house + myself clean... I'm alone... 

1940 Monday Blizzard! - disgustin' - It seems, even when I actually direct - that I get so little accomplished I rather think Howard knows what I did.

1941 JOURNAL OF "THE OTHER WOMAN"... GUESS WHAT MET MARY ELIZABETH; CONFIDENTIALLY, SHE LOOKED LIKE A MESS... HATE TO BE CLASSED WITH HER... TOOO MUCH MAKE-UP... I DIDN'T SAY BOO... SHE PROBABLY THOUGHT I WAS AWED! - GOD, CLASSES WERE GRIM... HAD A LETTER FROM MOTHER... WISH I'D HEAR FROM E. - I DREAMED LAST NIGHT SHE WAS PREGNANT! - YE GODS!

1942 Wed Wilber + Bill + Shirley came over after class for coffee + some of the cake left from yestiddy... It was Lefty's birthday. I brought ice-cream cones for sketch class. Donna wants to go to Sioux City - ?

1943 2:00 OH GOD - I HATE MYSELF... I SHOULD THINK HE'D HAVE NOTICED THE TORCH IN MY HAND! - AND WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE FERRY OVER TO Staten Island. "CONDITIONS" WERE TOO good. JARV. ASKED ME TO THE Graduation DANCE. WELL MR. CONOVER WAS VERY NICE. I DON'T DON'T EXACTLY WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT ME. YET. SENT ME OVER TO Sea Leg Gibbons.

MARCH 7

1939 10:55 It seems as though Tuesdays are always cold... Went to a class finished column (What fellas think of wimmin's clothes) + Read Shakespeare

1940 Thurs 12:15 - I played bridge over at Marg's tonight (They've moved back to 21st again) It was really a relief to be around girls again. Took stuff down to E's.

1941 IS THIS ME OR SOMEONE ELSE STRUGGLING AROUND INSIDE MY SKIN... I WOULDN'T KNOW - TORE (LITERALLY) ALL DAY... TRYOUTS... HOWARDSON TOURNEMENT THAT DAMN WUMKES... SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO -

1942 Sat Hell, here I've wasted practically a whole day mooning like an adolescent... I wish I'd get over it. So what - he didn't call you -You'll live! - Met Jean G. for lunch. Saw D.J. this afternoon. - She's sweet.

1943 SUN 1:45 AND I THOUGHT THIS AFFAIR WOULD BE "Uncomplicated" MIGOSH - BUT HE IS NICE - AND I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT TO MESS UP ANYTHING FOR HIM... WE WENT M. of MA. AND THEN TO Cafe Society Downtown WHICH WAS NO DISAPPOINTMENT. OH + WE WENT TO DINNER, TOO. - AT A NICE PLACE... I HATE HAVING ALL THAT MONEY SPENT ON ME -

MARCH 6

1939 10:40 This can't be me because I feel so well - Someone gently shoved me a few inches forward in the hall I turned around + he walked down the stairs without even looking my way - (It must have been my frilly fresh white blouse) Later I interviewed him for the Mirror... I'm not so afraid of him any more - The Plays even off swell - I'm going to do the rations for the F.B. Banquet again 25th - It would save a lot of problems if I got a date.

1940 Wed. I have suddenly realized it's only 2 weeks until vacation + Chicago (supposedly!) How can I get everything done?

1941 Thursday - And I suddenly realize (like hell - I've been counting the days) its 4 weeks until Easter Vacation + Chicago. Darn, I'd still like to put on the Terrible Mech, too. - I'd have to re-write THAT - worked 8:00-6:30. 8:11:00.

1942 Friday! Civic Music. All I did was sit there + think about Leonard, dammit! Did the patterns over for R.N. Phillips nursery... I'd better put in a hill. We printed Etchings. - Spring today.

1943 1:00 SAT. (I WONDER where LEONARD IS - IF HE'S BEEN ASSIGNED TO A BASE YET)... FIRST BLOW; I WAS READY TO ACCEPT Scholastic, BUT THEY DON'T WANT ME UNTIL MAY 16! - HELL, I WANTED TO START WORK Monday... IT WAS A WET, miserable, HORRIBLE DAY... DIDN'T ANTICIPATE ENJOYING MYSELF, BUT I DID. Jarv + I WENT TO DINNER + a show.

MARCH 4

1939 1:45 Talked + talked after playing bridge. Marguerite + I certainly agree... I feel awful. I ate all day.

1940 Monday 12:00 Inevitably - I had a sneaking suspicion there was another quizz due - pretty soon! - 20th!

1941 9:45 Well, I guess I'll have to really start writing... this is the last thing I can think of "to do" - I hope it can produce... It will be just 4 weeks from tonight... (I shudder to think what must take place before then)

1942 11:00 Well, I baffled them I guess. It would have been much more fun if Kraus hadn't let it out of the bag. I wonder what Leonard thought of White Night? I went to looks with Bill, Emil, Wilbur, John K -

1943 12:45 I DIDN'T EVEN MIND GETTING UP THIS MORNING! AND I WAS THERE BEFORE "HERMAN" (HE BOUGHT THE TICKETS FOR NEXT Friday! - joy) FINISHED MY LAY-OUTS, WORKED UNTIL SIX - LIKE THEIR ART dept. HERMAN BOUGHT ME A DRINK ACROSS THE STREET. (JARV CALLED yesterday) DATE W/ H FOR SUNDAY. Mickey AND I SAW SHADOW OF A DOUBT... I HOPE MR. KRIKORIAN CALLS tomorrow!

FEBRUARY 21

1939 11:15 I'm just beginning to feel normal again tired + woozy all day... fell down after chapel + feel pretty stiff + bruised... It is icy as glass + cold as heck. I didn't accomplish a thing all day... Kept thinking about Tommy + last night I certainly was a dead beat... Maybe it was all that high powered competition that scared me out.

1940 1:30 - Ugh - I'm booshed - Helped Howard run stuff today - Marvelous Game I didn't even go home for dinner... Bob + I went to the Dance. Bill + L brought me home

1941 According to my horoscope beginning tomorrow new romance comes into my life! - I hope so. This celibacy is getting boring. Not that I haven't enough to do... but the urge to "get away from it all" is strong... Letter from Jo.

1942 Sat 2:45 I can hardly write about this... Seeing + talking with Leonard last week was a satisfaction. But tonight - although we didn't talk at all was certainly more satisfactory. But it makes it even harder now. I can hardly bear being away from him at all. 

(Cleaned up room, etc.)

1943 SUN I FELT unhappy THIS MORNING, STILL... BETTER, AFTER A SHOWER AND SCRAMBLED eggs AT THE DRUGSTORE. JARV and I TOOK A WALK UP RIVERSIDE AND LOOKED AT THE "PRAIRIE STATE" ... IT WAS A GORGEOUS SPRING DAY! THEN WE WALKED DOWN BROADWAY, EATING APPLES; I THINK IT WAS ABOUT THE BEST TIME I'VE HAD WITH HIM - WHICH HE cannot UNDERSTAND (...BOB + PEGGY + I HAD DINNER AT A FUNNY LITTLE PLACE NOT FAR FROM Columbia - THEN TOOK R. HOW'D TO THE TRAIN; PEGGY WAS STURDY.

FEBRUARY 20

1939 Monday 12:15 How many times I've wished for the opportunity I had tonight - a date with Tommy. I don't know what the score is. I wish I had a date alone with him. Then maybe I could figure it out. I don't think I'd be afraid of him anymore! Tonight was a little disappointing. I've had my chance; so what?

1940 11:00 Is this really me? - I'm in bed at this hour. I deliberately stayed home - in spite of cr. wr. class + in spite of the work I had to do! - I hope I'm dev. the transcendental viewpoint.

1941 Thurs. Thank God tomorrow's Friday. Like to be going home, in a way, but plan (at least) on getting more done by staying here... Did not get to go to Elk's dance (Damn Freddie) But enjoyed myself in spite of it over at Marg's + Dorothy's... Popcorn, Fudge, knitting -

1942 Saw Donna Jean... We went for a ride - Ate popcorn - Picked up Bill at Morrell's - Had a coke -

1943 SAT Oh GOD... I THINK I'LL JOIN A NUNNERY... WHY CAN'T I KEEP MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN casual? ...AND WHY MUST Jarv ALWAYS DWELL ON CERTAIN SUBJECTS? WE MET BOB + PEG DOWNTOWN, THEN WANDERED AROUND AIMLESSLY, HAD A BEER, WENT DOWN BY THE RIVER... THE REASON FELT SO SAD WAS BECAUSE I ACHED FOR Leonard. BOB + I MET PEG FOR LUNCH AT THE HEARTHSTONE - HAD FRIED CHICKEN (SCRUMPTIOUS) ...TOOK THE FERRY OUT TO STATEN ISLAND AND SAW THE STATUE of Liberty - THRILL

FEBRUARY 13

1939 Monday 10:00 I am alone in the house. Outside a cat is singing a wild duet, with the wind. I feel suddenly lonely and almost afraid. I wish I had more courage. Today Krause's book came out. It is here on the table beside me, waiting to be read...

1940 Tuesday 10:30 - Although I went to sleep for a while on the davenport, I am infinitely exhausted... In a way I feel much the same as this day last year; but lonely in a different sort of way + older.

We finally heard from E.

1941 Thurs. 12:00 - It was winter again today... Am rather happy... Chopin on radio... I just got a... out of my eye... had a date w/ Freddie... purely platonic... We have to have a few drinks to feel romantic, that's a cinch...

1942 Fri Leonard wasn't in class because he'd been to the Morrell party last night. Cliff fixed him up w/ some Babe! - Makes me feel wonderful - Went skating tonight had a really sooper time - Peggy's swell.

1943 SAT JARV TOOK ME DANCIN' tonight AT THE "RIALTO" - A LATIN BAND PLAYED - QUEL FUN TO DO A CONGA! - A RATHER wild PLACE, though... HE IS A LITTLE FAST FOR MY League... BRISK THOUGH! - TEASED ME ALL EVENING - HAS HAD A LOT OF experience... I GOT A reply from one of the letters... Scholastic Press... advertising l.o. Got lost in subway... Ended up in Harlem

FEBRUARY 10

1939 12:10 Friday (Thank Heaven) I have another cold! Another 15 degree below day. - Had to use the tunnel once someone turned off the lights. It was awful - I cut out + basted up a dress tonight.

1940 Sat 2:45 And so I went... And even forgot to leer. Mailed P de P today. I am disappointed in myself I had really intended to do justice to those questions! I must watch myself w/ Spence

1941 Strangely enough, I did live! - Live to be disgusted with myself... Have doped it out that all I want is what I can't have... What I can have, I don't... That's all that's the matter with me... Have a lot to learn if I'm going to accomplish things. - Hell

1942 Just finished dialogue for Cr. Wr. - Hope I sleep - This new time is confusing. 

1943 11:05 WROTE 5 LETTERS OF APPLICATION; HOPE I HEAR FROM THEM... OVER AT Barnard IN DONNA'S ROOM.. GLADYS BORROWED A typewriter FOR ME... I ATE LUNCH WITH THEM... PEGGY DIDN'T HAVE TO USHER TONIGHT, SO WE HAD A WONDERFUL EVENING TOGETHER... I TOOK A BATH WHILE SHE WASHED HER HAIR. THEN I SCRUBBED HER BACK... JARV. CALLED TONIGHT... DATE SATURDAY. TREPIDATIONS.

FEBRUARY 7

1939 Tuesday 10:15 Horrible Day worked on Poster wrote a Fashion Column for Mirror Coughed all through Speech Class cold sores are depressing...

1940 Wed (2 fellas called + I wasn't home - ) ... And every bit as miserable this year only more "mentally" - I can't seem to work when I'm 'emotionally upset" (mad at somebody) Finally got  to work about dinner time - saw end of the game 

1941 12 And thank - God - it's Friday - Again! Helped Candy at B.B. Game. Day was vague and empty. Tried to get at Larry again. I wish I could help him, so to Jo -

1942 Sat. Eleanor's putting her hair up - Gee, makes me feel funny to know she's really going to start out a whole new existence, really. God, please let her be happy. She is one gal who deserves it.

1943 SUN 11:30 SLEPT LATE. READ THE FUNNIES JARV. BROUGHT FOR ME... HE CALLED JUST AS I WAS taking  A BATH, of course; WE WENT TO Arabian Nights IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD... HE CAME IN. Actually THOUGHT I WOULD LET HIM KISS ME IN THE PARLOR tsk tsk! I WROTE A 4 page LETTER TO MOTHER - ABOUT TIME. PEG + I WENT TO TEA - WHICH, with a NUT SANDWICH, about COMPRISED MY EATING FOR TODAY...

FEBRUARY 6

1939 10:55 Mon. Slicked up the Art Room this Morning for a meeting Planned Poster Lay Out for artist S. (-50 posters out tomorrow) Wyman got it for President (If he'd only take me to Fr.Sr.)

1940 Tues. 12:30 - Jam Session today and G.T. said he couldn't play jazz! - It doesn't look as though I were going to the f.l. banquet

1941 Thurs 10:15 - Groggy all day... Practically passed out for a couple of hrs after dinner - took a bath wrote to Mother. Now, I hope I can sleep

1942 Fri Barbara Davies read Claudia for us tonight * Gee, convincing! Leonard did his fresco * Had lunch w/ Davies at Choc. Shop. At the tea this afternoon - 

1943 SAT 3:00 MY FIRST DATE IN New York... WE SAW IN WHICH WE SERVE... JARV LOOKS SLIGHTLY lupine PROBABLY IS!... I SLEPT LATE; DONNA + I MET PEGGY IN FRONT of the ASTOR. I TOOK US TO LUNCH... PICKED UP MY bag AT Penn STA. WENT TO A TEA DANCE FOR Midshipmen. AND WAS GRATIFYINGLY POPULAR... IT WAS FUN... WE TRIED THE Astor BAR, AFTER THE SHOW, ENDED UP WITH BEER AND salami SANDWICHES, TALKING ABOUT everything

NOVEMBER 3

1939 Except for the test, I'm all through with my actual teaching- I really liked the kids... Last period Bob + Leonard traipsed in -- put an apple on my desk + stayed for class! -- They are such nuts -- took me down to the Palace afterwards - Bob took me to the lecture at school

1940 11:00 I seem to have absolutely no capacity for work! -- No ambition... No interest... Hope I get over this phase pretty soon... 4 weeks till Thanksgiving... Then three weeks until Christmas vacation... This is awful.. I shouldn't live for tomorrow; but for today... you're always disillusioned with that mechanism... rather nice day... slept till ten...church...dinner...picnic.. date with Freddie.. him I like... hope it is mootual.

1941 10:22 Thank goodness I don't have to count the days until vacation this yr.... Don't know if I'll be doing the job at Brookings or go to Chicago... Saw Sari tonight. Marj has a baby girl -- named it after Virginia -- I'm doing my damndest. 

1942 2:00 Whaddya know, I went to Jan Savitt with David's 'little" brother. He is very beautiful and has a lovely disposition* -- Unlike David. Mister Payne called this aft; I wonder if he thought about going -- nuts to him.)... *A little too affectionate, tho...

1943 10:30 Golly, where do the evenings go? I just wrote Jarv. + Leonard on my new blue "Love Letters" (only one of them was!) - Donna + I are certainly compatible... I'm trying to keep a jump + a half of Dorothy + it is a strain! Mother wrote - so sweet.