AUGUST 9

1939 11:00 I earned a few shikkels today (about $3.00) helping Bernice – I think I will have little “jobs” all winter if her show goes – I’ve been letting up so much recently its nearer 10 than 5 pounds I’ve got to lose, now

1940 12:15 Very Nil today. Sketched this afternoon… Quite encouraging. Absolutely nauseated with myself about dinner time Went out to sch. Virginia came out

1941 Sat At long last – traipsed down on the L. by myself – Met Eleanor – lunch at the “Circle” – very fun – Got the Hiawatha (it was full of sailors) and here we are. I’m much too excited to sleep

1942 SUN 11:45 A.M. OUT IN THE BACK YARD – GOING TO try ON A PICNIC TONIGHT.. I hope IT DOESN’T RAIN…

1:30 * … “I LIKE YOU VERY MUCH… I SUPPOSE I LOVE YOU YOU’VE KNOWN THAT, HAVEN’T YOU? – YOU MUST HAVE FELT IT”… GEE, I NEVER EXPECTED him TO SAY IT… HE WAS SO TERRIBLY SWEET ABOUT IT… WE WERE ON 2^nd ISLAND – IT WAS A MAGIC NIGHT… AWAY FROM Everything…

1943

MAY 31

1939 Wednesday 12:00 Worked all day again - Got along swell - Its going to be fun. - Came home + cleaned up - went to creative wr. for the last time + read my one-act play - Went down with Eide + transferred some cart.

1940 1:10 Well, let's hope the Eddas are on that Minneapolis truck tonight + that they'll get here tomorrow morning. I really don't know if I could take it if they didn't come tomorrow!... I am quite surprised I actually wrote my Bible term paper today!

1941 11:30 I'm really a mess... thought everything was figured out + settled - found myself thinking of Leonard + re-hashing everything that happened... I am so terrible tired + I don't even want to go to Chicago

1942 Sun God, I nauseate myself - I have utterly no resistance! John is slightly wolfy, but I could have put up a better defense! Leonard don't you ever worry about me!

1943 Mon Got up + washed my hair. (Haven't been able to sleep really LATE) Sun bathed... Got a lovely Leonard letter (Note to Postman "I love this girl") Herman brought over Louise... We went to dinner, later. I rather resent the time I had to spend on him.

MAY 27

1939 Sat - 1:25 Wrote a test this morning, drawings + cleaned house when I got home, this aft. Folks went to Okijobie for the weekend. Ray + I went to a movie "Stage Coach"

1940 Mon. - Still no term paper accomplished I don't know what to write on... Went on a "Stripper's picnic" ate too much confided in Dorothy some more... Marguerite had to talk to me about her l. life.

1941 10 Utley, you nauseate me! Seems like every time I'm tired, my resistance is low! 

1942 Wed Got up here about 4:30 - Didn't get down to dinner until about 8:30 Style show... orchestra... table of ferrying pilots at the next table

1943 Thurs I guess I don't have much of a sense of humor. At least Mickey's brand of wit doesn't amuse me. I didn't like the way she badgered Inge tonight. Gladys + Donna came over. Stayed too long.

APRIL 3

1939 10:30 (This can't be love because I feel so swell!) R. came after me this morning... went over to the Anchor for coffee + for a ride I went down town this aft + bought a pair of saddle shoes. Took my knitting down + went down to Beache's I'm going to work M W + F aft + Satur. We went to Faulty Fowlies tonight. Then Mick + Marie went riding with us Marie had to be back at the dorm by 10:00

1940 Wednesday Well, I certainly didn't plan on this - The flu, I mean - Went home Wed aft. with a cold got up with this... Acc. O today

1941 11 - Those damn brats! - I just got told to pull my shades down - for the 2nd time... They certainly keep track of me - Gee, if I can just last through tomorrow Today was absolutely FOUL ---

1942 Friday Lonesome, frustrated. Communion tonight seemed somehow not quite what I'd expected. Folks had Zellhoffer for dinner I washed dishes. Mother + I really tore around cleaning the house today... I'm quite dead

1943 SAT 2:00 I NAUSEATE ME... I SHOULD HAVE stayed HOME TONIGHT, INSTEAD OF LETTING Mickie PERSUADE ME TO GO TO A movie... I DID WASH OUT SOME STUFF, THOUGH (WOULD HAVE DONE MORE IF THE WATER'D BEEN HOT) I TOOK ALL AFTERNOON DOWNTOWN TODAY, damn... AND NOW I HAVEN'T GOT MY SHOES!

MARCH 19

1939 Sunday 4:30 I rewrote my oration + wrote the script for the fashion show + studied + went to church - This is the latest I've been up for some time.

1940 Tues I could practically hear my nerves gingling up + down by the time I got through typing tonight. And I had felt so swell - Wild Moonlight geese flying - SPRING! 

1941 11:55 Wed. Wish I were "High on a Windy Hill"! and not so utterly nauseated with myself! Why do I insist on eating... Bridge Club at Baldwins... Guess what - won 1st prize - TOMORROW + TOMORROW E. sent a telegram

1942 THURS Bob Snook, Bob Gable + I did Columbus for the Press Club dinner... (Don't think they appreciated us fully!) Bought a Defense Bond + a Dickey - ha. It's snowing. D.J. + I went to All That Money Can Buy!

1943 FRI 3:00 EVE of ST. MARK - [I WAS THE girl. LEONARD the boy - IT WAS MORE THAN JUST A beautiful, FINE PLAY...] WE WENT TO THE Village Vanguard - CLASSY JOINT (.80 FOR A SLENDER SANDWICH)... SAW FIFI BROWN... MET MINA Berenstam FOR LUNCH... SHE IS lovely. HERMAN CAME THROUGH LIKE THE REST - (HOW CAN THEY MISTAKE ME?-) WITH A PROPOSITION!

MARCH 2

1939 Thursday 11:30 I just got through writing 5 letters - I feel a little noble (I hope I get 5 answers)

For a woman who was in love a few short weeks ago, I'm out of it (+ in it again) Tommy wore that purpley sweater of his today. He came in to see me

1940 Saturday 1:00 - Will we ever be finished? - I am very much disappointed... terribly disgusted and disappointed

1941 OH GOD, I NAUSEATE MYSELF... WHY DON'T I DO SOMETHING, INSTEAD OF CONTEMPLATE THEM? - DAMN - THINGS GET WAY OUT OF PERSPECTIVE WITH THIS ROTTEN PROCRASTINATION... IF I CAN JUST LIVE THROUGH THIS MONTH!

1942 Good Day - Well, busy anyhow. - Allan Werner + Lass were up from Le Mare... I went to Woman of the Year with Donna + talked at Blackfriar tonight. Bob came home w. me.

1943 TUES 11:30 FIXED ME UP IN GENERAL (BATHED during THE BLACKOUT!) FOR TO WORK TOMORROW AT SCHOLASTIC, FREElance ON A LAY-OUT JOB. MR. ROBINSON PHONED TONIGHT... HAD A dispassionate DAY. WENT TO AGENCY, EASTMAN. MY PICTURES CAME TODAY, finally. NOW IT WILL DO Leonard NO GOOD!

DECEMBER 25

1939 We had to get up to finish wrapping packages this morning - I certainly feel like a mess - Eleanor left on the 5:30 train... It was hard to take... And I was going to be so casual + smart! I hope it isn't too long before we see her again.

1940 REALLY SWELL WITH ELEANOR HERE... REALLY MADE CHRISTMAS FOR US... WOULD HAVE BEEN GRIM WITHOUT HER. SHE IS SO WONDERFUL WITH WILMER - I STILL FEEL SORT OF EXTRA WITH THE TWO WHEN THEY'RE TOGETHER... I GUESS I'LL NEVER GET OVER IT... WAS QUITE FLOORED WHEN W. KISSED ME PURELY SPONTANEOUSLY. ATE TILL I'M PRACTICALLY NAUSEATED - B. CALLED

1941 (Under the mistletoe - I blushed!) - The mystery was a toy dog from Hunk - Lovely Christmas, Eleanor + I felt awful for a while as a conseq. of not sleeping. Leonard wanted to ask me to the dance! 

1942 12:45 It was a  fine Christmas - (except it did hurt that Leonard didn't give me anything)... We had our gifts about 10:45 - and dinner about 3:00... We had Tom + Jerrys over at Virginia's - John K, Bob, Leonard + I. She is swell. I stayed later. I hope Leonard was annoyed.

1943

NOVEMBER 25

1939 1:30 SAT. - I GUESS ALL THAT CUSSED NEED THAT PERVADED MY system is worn out - I had felt horribly nasty all day. - I wasted all afternoon "playing" in the act room (I felt like screaming all the time) - Bob + I went to the Sc. Party FUN. Bob + L + Bill + I went together until now

1940 12:00 Not quite so litterly nauseated with myself as I was about half an hour before - Did exercises about 25 minutes, took a bawth... Mentally + physically, have been mollycoddling myself long enough. More than anything I want to lose 15 pounds... Yet I seem to lack the guts to do anything about it. 

1941 Tues HAAKENSON HAS ABSOLUTELY NO INHIBITIONS THAT'S WHAT MAKES HIM SO MUCH FUN. - D.J. + I WENT TO ORCH. CONCERT - ASSIMILATED HIM AFTERWARD - BOB + LEONARD WERE TOO BUSY TO GO W/ US!

1942 WED. WENT OVER TO DONNA JEANS - WAS GLAD I DID... I'M SURE SHE LIKES ME - SHE'S JUST IN LOVE with LARRY... ITS COLD TONIGHT - SNOWED. BUT nice. WE ATE hamburgers DOWN AT Coney Island!

1943

OCTOBER 30

1939 (I smell nauseatingly of "Candy Soap") - My classes got a little rugged to-day. - If they show any more of the same stuff tomorrow... I don't believe H.S. seniors should have to be nagged at. I refuse to do it. (We gave Columbus to-night)

1940 Utterly nauseated with myself.

1941 I succeeded in not only up-setting myself, but Leonard, too. I'm certainly sick of platonics---

Damn Damn Damn

1942 Fri Another of the same...mild frustration. Disgusted w/ myself. Weak character no decision, no spunk...Saw " in the movies...not too bad...tried to get the menus designed...Mother + Dad + I went to The Glass Key...Augie beat N.O.--19-0.

1943 Sat. Most of the day in bed for me...nghaa.

OCTOBER 28

1939 Sat.- The wasted luxury of holidays! I could have accomplished so much I did so little---just got myself clean--- I feel too warm, too bloated, 

too "soapy"---and faintly utterly nauseated with myself!

1940 11:00 Geez---It looks like that that papers is not going to get my attention---When am I going to start pouring it on?---struggled through Monday--- 4 to go, now...Letter fr. Jo--- she has written to Leonard--- Just as I though...migosh, what did she say? Afraid I don't care---Harley took me for a ride---   tsk, tsk

1941 Tues Mother + I went to the movies--(I can look at Robt. Montgomery + not be reminded of Frederic) Saw John at C. Theater this aft. ----he still disturbs me.

1942 Wed  Leonard and I went over to Cliff + Maureen's tonight --- and 50 other people, too... They are spunky little kids! Have 1 more panel... Maybe I'll do the waitresses uniforms! 

I love Leonard more deeply and more quietly...

1943