MARCH 23

1939 10:30 Mary stayed + stayed + I was so sleepy! Got the material for the Football banquet Sat Night. I only wish I were going to the darn thing! I felt awful this aft. Eleanor is out w/ Ed.

1940 Sat. Who'd have thought that Mary + I would see each other in Chicago a yr ago? - She came over this morning... I met Eleanor + Dorothy for lunch at Field's - Then we went to "The Man Who Came to Dinner" - which was uproarious. v. dirty, v. funny! - It would have been enough, but Eleanor insisted we go out again to-night. It is terribly cold!

1941 11:45 - Wish I could live today over again - Folks came down (with Sari) + we went to Sioux City. A. Marg + E. Dillon were both ill. They looked awful. (It must make mother feel bad)... We had gardenias. - I'm enthralled with Kitty Foyle - God, what guts - It was like Jo. - Tomorrow REALITY.

1942 MON Met Margie down town this noon for lunch... She's happy but I don't envy her in the slightest - 

1943 TUES MICKEY INFLUENCED ME TO GO TO A MOVIE AT WHICH WE BOTH wept VIOLENTLY AND ENJOYED COMPLETELY... I RE-WROTE AN Editorial TODAY WITH MRS. DAHL... SHE ISN'T BAD, BUT I'M GLAD I'M NOT WORKING WITH HER... MR. Haire EMBARRASSED ME COMPLETELY AT THE OFFICE MEETING TODAY. I BLUSHED FURIOUSLY...

MARCH 22

1939 11:10 Lucky I - my oration + I are going to Aberdeen - I'm quite sure I've certainly sweat blood over that thing I read it to better do my writing in the daytime - I fouled away the whole afternoon. Ray S. took me for a ride + we looked at the falls. It was so swell out - After the lecture to night, Stan, Carp, Jake + I ate ice cream

1940 Fri Here I am sleeping with Eleanor in Chicago! - it is big + dirty + strong... I think I like it... We went out to Karls for dinner tonight... I wish I hadn't been so tired... Connie "entertained" me this aft. I got cleaned up this morning, we met E. for lunch. 

1941 10:55 Well, possibly I can try a little vicarious living in "Kitty Foyle" - God knows I need something to get away from myself  Practice Practice Practice - God, I wish those damn things were over! ----

1942 11:00 O-H-H-H THAT I HAD BEEN ANNIHILATED AT BIRTH! - WHY DID I SUGGEST OUR GOING DOWN TO THE HEN. OF COURSE LEONARD + R.H. # CAME IN AS I KNEW THEY WOULD. PRETTY DAMN OBVIOUS - I'M SO DUMB - AND AFTER WEDNESDAY TOO

1943 12:00 and Peggy isn't home yet. I should be in bed, asleep, but I wrote to Leonard, Eleanor + Don... today wasn't bad. I think I'll like Mrs. Stotes. (Migosh, she looks like me) I rewrote. Was to have gone out in the Market. I want to make good.

MARCH 21

1939 11:00 We heard Marjorie Hellis tonight Swell Philosophy - I re-wrote my oration today from 9:00 - 4:00 It's really no child's play -

1940 Thurs Who should be dashing on the train the last minute but Bill P. - ! - I nearly got off - Bob + Leonard were down to see me off - They sent me a corsage, too... I love them both - Bill + I had lots of fun exchanging opinions of each other.

1941 10:20 Nazi Bombers over England again. Will there ever be any place for the world? Or for me? - Utterly demoralized today - No good at all. Heard from Eleanor + Jo - they are wonderful

1942 12:45 PLAYING 2ND FIDDLE TO A TERM PAPER! DIDN'T TAKE TO THE IDEA TOO WELL... BUT WHAT CAN A WOMAN DO? D.J. + I ATE Down TOWN... WENT OUT TO THE AIRPORT + WATCHED ARMY PLANES COME IN + TAKE OFF... CHROME WINGS IN A BLAZE - BLUE SKY - 50 PLANES...

1943 11:30 (GEE, AND I WAS GOING TO BE IN BED BY 10:00!) TODAY WAS NICE and COMFORTABLE. WHILE PEG WAS IN CHURCH, I WROTE A LONG LETTER HOME (ONE TO Leonard, LATER) WE ATE AT Childs DOWN THE WAY. WENT TO SEE Lois Cowan - AND DONNA. I'VE WASHED MY HAIR, FIXED MY NAILS, DREAD TOMORROW A LITTLE... I'M SCARED. I WANT SO very MUCH TO DO MY BEST!

MARCH 20

1939 Mon 10:00 I don't know if that "4:30" was worth it... I felt marvelous - all morning, but plenty awful afterward I just made up my mind to ask Tommy for R. Date - Viv was ahead of me.

1940 Wed 2:55 (I hope the $10 is worth this) I'm such a goon. I always think I can do things in 10 minutes - Well it took me all day. - Working every minute! Tomorrow I won't be sleeping here.

1941 Hmm whom should I see but Fred + Mary E. as I was coming home from play practice - Damn! - I never thought he'd go for a peroxide blonde.

1942 FRI Amazingly ambitious all day, but came home from school with a nasty disposition. (Entirely uncalled for) Baby, it's just as well you didn't go out tonight - It's 12 -

1943 SAT 12:30 MIGOSH BUT I'M TIRED... WORE MYSELF OUT, SHOPPING TODAY. (DOESN'T look LIKE I GOT MUCH, BUT I CERTAINLY SPENT A LOT OF MONEY) I WISH I HADN'T HAD TO GO OUT TONIGHT, BUT COULD HAVE STAYED HOME + gotten ORGANIZED... I WANTED IT TO BE NICE + FUN tonight FOR JARV. UNFORTUNATELY HE WAS DISTINCTLY FRUSTRATED!

MARCH 19

1939 Sunday 4:30 I rewrote my oration + wrote the script for the fashion show + studied + went to church - This is the latest I've been up for some time.

1940 Tues I could practically hear my nerves gingling up + down by the time I got through typing tonight. And I had felt so swell - Wild Moonlight geese flying - SPRING! 

1941 11:55 Wed. Wish I were "High on a Windy Hill"! and not so utterly nauseated with myself! Why do I insist on eating... Bridge Club at Baldwins... Guess what - won 1st prize - TOMORROW + TOMORROW E. sent a telegram

1942 THURS Bob Snook, Bob Gable + I did Columbus for the Press Club dinner... (Don't think they appreciated us fully!) Bought a Defense Bond + a Dickey - ha. It's snowing. D.J. + I went to All That Money Can Buy!

1943 FRI 3:00 EVE of ST. MARK - [I WAS THE girl. LEONARD the boy - IT WAS MORE THAN JUST A beautiful, FINE PLAY...] WE WENT TO THE Village Vanguard - CLASSY JOINT (.80 FOR A SLENDER SANDWICH)... SAW FIFI BROWN... MET MINA Berenstam FOR LUNCH... SHE IS lovely. HERMAN CAME THROUGH LIKE THE REST - (HOW CAN THEY MISTAKE ME?-) WITH A PROPOSITION!

MARCH 18

1939 10:55 It's 12 days till the Province meet at Aberdeen. 12 days to get my oration organized + in my head - I read what I wrote last night to Hugo. He was swell. Helped me a lot

1940 1:15 Mon More complications! Why didn't I stay home to work? Jake thinks I'm "leading Howard on" - He seems to think H. is terribly serious. We came home

1941 11:45 Tues. - Oh would that I could stay in bed tomorrow! - Wearing day. - The kids are getting too familiar... The school board must not have discovered I'm a farce -

1942 WED Creative Writing. Bill read. We had quite a disagreement over Art + the standards by which it is to be judged. Wilber kills me! Should have come right home, but Peg came after me.

1943 12:30 THURS - I'M STARTING Monday WITH HAIRE PUBLICATIONS. ASSISTANT TO EDITOR OF"CHILDREN'S APPAREL", A TRADE JOURNAL - AND AT $35 A WEEK. GOSH, I HOPE I'M WORTH IT... I HAD LUNCH WITH HERMAN... TRIED TO SEE MR. Conover (WHO WANTS TO SEE me!) SAW MISS Zach AT Mlle. WHO IS A SWELL GAL - WHO SAYS SHE EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT ME WHEN THEY NEEDED AN "INTERIOR" Editor!

MARCH 17

1939 3:30 - and Eleanor isn't in yet... I've been up writing my oration which seems very unimportant right now. Mother + Dad went to see me in the play at school tonight + she was talking to someone on the phone when they went. I wish she'd get home. She didn't leave a note or anything + who she's been with, we don't know! - 3:45 and Thank God she's back.

The plays were very successful I have a new flame. Ray P. walked through the tunnel with me today.

1940 Sunday. Worked on Prix from 10-6 - Bill Clements called... My coy scheme backfired on me... I was going to be the one who kept him going, warned as I was! - Now, I didn't have a chance - not a prayer. What a mess. I don't think I should date him.

1941 That is Tristan + Isolde. I'm sure - poignant - unfulfilled... (Will it always be that way?) - I wish the next 3 weeks were over - + well done... I know everything will be okay. If it isn't it's my fault + no one else's - (Fred doesn't sleep nights)

1942 TUES GEE, and I was going to stay home tonight. Stan called. Phooey - I thought it was L, or wouldn't have said yes. I don't understand him at all. He isn't nearly as sweet as he was.

1943 THANK YOU, GOD, FOR WHAT HAPPENED TODAY LEONARD IS STATIONED IN Alabama, I WON ANOTHER Mlle CONTEST [$100 BOND + THE DRESS] AND MR. Krikorian WROTE ME A SWEET + REDEEMING LETTER. I FEEL BETTER. Golly I NEEDED SOMETHING GOOD LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN! Maybe I'll studio with Mr. Worman

MARCH 16

1939 11:40 Thurs I think maybe I'm getting started not that I accomplished anything. But Ray + Wyman hekkled me to pieces this aft. Why is it everyone likes to tease me? I'm getting sick of it - P. Practice tonight then after b. ball game at S.F.C. Clara + I went over to Tommy's for M. Milks

1940 Sat 12:30 Mary Anne came today on her way to the Art Institute - She is exactly the same. But with more definite, stronger purpose. I'll probably see her in Chicago...

1941 10:45 Sun night + as usual I"m torn between the idea of working + bed. - So I'm going to compromise + work in bed (I hope!) - Well, my appetite was certainly not affected by my "broken heart" - tsk tsk - Waited all day for Frederic. - Of course, he didn't materialize.

1942 MON Yes, I was tired today... Just about went to sleep posing for sketch class... Peg and I went to Sullivans Travels... Out to Hen... talked...

1943 TUES 12:40 LOW EBB: MR. KRIKORIAN "LET ME KNOW" - in the MAIL, THE COWARD... I SHOULDN'T BE SO disappointed, BUT I AM. MISS GIBBONS WAS ALSO AT A FASHION MEETING WHEN I ARRIVED AT 9:30 THIS MORNING. I CHECKED BACK WITH HAUSNER + LUCY + THEN CAME HOME - WET + DEPRESSED. CLEANED UP THE Room - sent in McCann-Erikson application + played bridge

MARCH 15

1939 10:50 I feel swell except for my back (+ my arm where Wyman hit me). If I don't get going pretty darn quick it's going to be pretty bad

1940 3:00 Friday Was to have been a civic Music C. gal got a cold - So Donna + I (after cok-ing at Palace) got Bob + Leonard + went over to her house for coffee... I like Leonard altogether too much

1941 Sat - It's beginning to hurt, now. My pride more than anything else I guess. I suppose I can stand it. Mary went to Chicago for her clothes. I half hoped Fred would call. I'd like to talk with him just once - "Intermezzo" - Got receipt for $135.50

1942 SUN GEE, this is confusing!... We made the mistake of going out to school tonight. The "clandestine" nature of the situation came home to Leonard for the fist time... I was terribly inarticulate... To church with Mother - Took folks to dinner.

1943 MON PAID ONLY A QUARTER OF MY TAX (50!) AND KILLED MY PORE, LAME BACK + CHARLIE HORSED LEG WALKING SOME MORE... MRS. WOLFE (I SAW HER) SAYS I'M TOO FAT FOR HER! I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO SHOW HER MY PICTURES, dammit. PEG + I HAD OUR hair FIXED - BY RUDOLF - WHO gratifying LIKED ME. I'M TIRED...

MARCH 14

1939 11:15 - Girls were over for "pot-luck supper" Decided that 10 years from now we'd all be old maids I have a crick in my back.

1940 12:10 Marg + I went to C.J.'s "Night M.V." I 'd have given a lot to have played in it. I've always wanted to wear horn rims. Bob E. was good. We heard from E. today. Really I'm scared to go; but still I wouldn't miss it!

1941 12:00 Hope I can really sleep - feel a mess, rather... Eleanor was right once more. I should have let well enough alone - Betty says Fred + M.E. are going to be married practically right away. I hope they will be very happy. Frederic deserves it certainly.

1942 SAT LA DE DA... and he wants to see me tomorrow night, too! (Hope he still feels that way then!) - We went over to Jean's - talked - coffee + cookies. She brought us home. Darling Gel. I payed my income tax today - And the Dentist. Didn't buy a damn thing new. Wish I had! 

1943 SUN HERMAN AND THE DAY TURNED OUT NICELY. HE GAVE ME A GOLD BRACELET; TOLD ME HE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME! I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED TO HAVE KEPT THINGS LESS INVOLVED. BUT AT LEAST IT'S BEEN SETTLED. HE WAS SWELL ABOUT EVERYTHING. UNDERSTOOD. HE KNOWS NOW, I'M IN LOVE - NOT WITH HIM. I MISSED Leonard SO HARD IT HURT - WISHED IT WERE HE WITH ME. HE TOOK ME TO DINNER - I WAS RAVENOUS (we WALKED ABOUT 8 miles)

MARCH 13

1939 10:40 Monday Woke up feeling swell... I got even with Wyman, but I guess it wasn't worth it. He asked someone else to the J.S. Fooled all day.

1940 Wed 12:45 - Acc. depressing job of filling out information for Placement Bureau today. I wonder if I'll be teaching next year... Hugo still wants me to take up that Plymouth deal...

1941 10:30 LE MARS BOYS WON THEIR FIRST ROUND IN THE DISTRICT WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEEN IT... JUMPY... HAD A FREE NIGHT... DAMNED IF I CAN STILL SIT WHEN I HAVE THE CHANCE. I FEEL FAT... WONDER WHEN (AND IF) I'LL EVER SEE FREDDIE AGAIN... AND WHAT HE'LL SAY... ? ? ?  DIDN'T DO MUCH TEACHING TODAY... IN FACT, NOT MUCH OF ANYTHING - WHY START NOW?

1942 Fri Was a good gal + stayed home tonight, although Leonard did call... Gee, the more "reassured" I get - the more scared I am... Dumb, ain't I... How will it all work out? - Washed my hair, me + clothes. Surprisingly wasn't too tired today -

1943 SAT AFTER A MILDLY frustrating MORNING [MY GARTER BROKE; IT TURNED COLD, SNOWED and RAINED VIOLENTLY] I RESTED, WASHED OUT SOME STUFF, AND JARV CAME OVER THIS AFT. - WE TALKED FOR HOURS - HE IS MORE INTELLIGENT THAN I THOUGHT. THE FORMAL DANCE IS THE 29TH, PROBABLY - I HOPE IT WILL BE. JARV HAS BEEN NICE TO ME + I LIKE HIM.

MARCH 12

1939 2:00 And I was going to accomplish so much! Virginia, Marguerite, Sari + I were over to "'s this afternoon + from then on - got stalled at 1:00 on Minn.

1940 Tues 11:30 Still blizzard - I think maybe I'm getting a few things done. - slowly, vaguely. M. Tolles (who is going to marry an Army officer in Waska next summer) lined up a deal to do some political cartoons for Gamble... That ten dollars will be handy next week - which is the only reason I'd do it.

1941 11:45 Nuts - I think I'm getting a cold! - "All's Fair" looked good... Darling gels had their lines learned - Day intermittently good + bad... hell... Guess I'm getting up on my nerve... I've got to hold on for 3 weeks more! (after this) - Mrs. Reeves passed on a few compliments which made me feel b-   saw FRED... wonder what he thinks -

1942 Thurs Gee, we went to the concert  - I spent the whole time thinking about Leonard - We did fave fun (+beer) afterward. Sometimes Emil makes me a little sick  - [He adds 2 + 1 + gets 4; and is right]

1943 FRI 2:00 SAW "LADY IN THE DARK" TONIGHT. I WASN'T AS THRILLED AS I HAD ANTICIPATED, I'M afraid. WE ATE SANDWICHES AND I LISTENED TO HERMAN TALK AFTERWARD... I WISH I COULD ENJOY A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM; EVIDENTLY IT WON'T BE POSSIBLE, HOWEVER...

MARCH 11

1939 11:30 The Day Dumb. All I can ever manage to get done on a Saturday is to get the house + myself clean... I'm alone... 

1940 Monday Blizzard! - disgustin' - It seems, even when I actually direct - that I get so little accomplished I rather think Howard knows what I did.

1941 JOURNAL OF "THE OTHER WOMAN"... GUESS WHAT MET MARY ELIZABETH; CONFIDENTIALLY, SHE LOOKED LIKE A MESS... HATE TO BE CLASSED WITH HER... TOOO MUCH MAKE-UP... I DIDN'T SAY BOO... SHE PROBABLY THOUGHT I WAS AWED! - GOD, CLASSES WERE GRIM... HAD A LETTER FROM MOTHER... WISH I'D HEAR FROM E. - I DREAMED LAST NIGHT SHE WAS PREGNANT! - YE GODS!

1942 Wed Wilber + Bill + Shirley came over after class for coffee + some of the cake left from yestiddy... It was Lefty's birthday. I brought ice-cream cones for sketch class. Donna wants to go to Sioux City - ?

1943 2:00 OH GOD - I HATE MYSELF... I SHOULD THINK HE'D HAVE NOTICED THE TORCH IN MY HAND! - AND WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE FERRY OVER TO Staten Island. "CONDITIONS" WERE TOO good. JARV. ASKED ME TO THE Graduation DANCE. WELL MR. CONOVER WAS VERY NICE. I DON'T DON'T EXACTLY WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT ME. YET. SENT ME OVER TO Sea Leg Gibbons.

MARCH 10

1939 11:50 Friday Eleanor + I went to a show tonight. Today I felt much more suicidal than ordinary... I've got to get over this nonsense pretty quick!

1940 Sunday 11:45 - Leonard took me to Grapes of Wrath tonight - I wonder if he has "figured me out yet"... I certainly can't him - It was very different from the other date I had with him... Howard also wanted to do something tonight. Peggy's father died.

1941 I CAN ALWAYS BEAR ALMOST ANYTHING (CASTING THE MELODRAMA) WHEN A DAY IS LIKE THIS ONE... SUNSHINE... WIND... COOL; BUT DEFINITELY SPRING! - TONIGHT IS FULL MOON - CLEAR SKY... BRIGHT STARS - ALL'S FAIR WILL BE FAIRLY DECENT, I THINK; BUT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT LITTLE NELL! - OH HELL... I'M ETERNALLY AMAZED ABOUT HOW I MANAGE TO TEACH WITH NO PREP.

1942 Tues Gee, what a day! - Our party went off sooper - daffodils, etchings It all in spite of the fact that my frosting was a flop... Of course, it rained a little, too. Those sweet kids (D.J., Bob, Wilber + Peg) helped w/ dishes. Went roller skating tonight - And danced afterwards! tsk tsk

1943 1:00 WELL, I HAVE A DATE TOMORROW WITH A CERTAIN MR. HARRY Conover... MAY BE NOTHING WILL PAN OUT; BUT IT IS ALL AN experience, ANYHOW. ALL I DID WAS WAIT WITH COW-LIKE PATIENCE IN OFFICES ALL DAY - MR. COOPER WAS NICE TO ME. I SAW TED. GOT A LETTER FROM Leonard - ANOTHER VERSE from HERMAN

MARCH 9

1939 10:40 I walked 8 miles today. Washed dishes for Mother's luncheon played ping pong w/ R. Seeley

1940 Sat 2:00 Marie + I went to "Balalaika" I love Marie a great deal I think, but I can't quite understand her - nor she me - She doesn't like Robert Benchley!

1941 SUN 10:30 - AS GREY + GRIM AS YESTERDAY WAS BRIGHT + BEAUTIFUL... I'VE BEEN LYING WRAPPED UP IN A BLANKET... WATCHING THE CLOUDS PASS IN FRONT OF THE MOON... AND THINKING... ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS... ABOUT HOW I COULD STAND A STRONGER BACKBONE (BOTH FIGURATIVELY + ACTUALLY) AND SOME MORE SELF RESPECT... ABOUT EASTER... LEONARD... BOB... SCHOOL (WROTE TO GR + PAID $135.50) FREDERIC + M. ELIZ.

1942 Mon Peggy Bell was over tonight... Irrepressible told me all about her love life while I baked a cake. We heard from Eleanor. It doesn't sound bad at all at all.

1943 TUES 1:30 - I'M SO DARN GLAD I WENT TO SEE MR. Krikorian; ALTHOUGH HE'D PRETTY WELL DECIDED ON A FELLA, I KNOW I UPSET HIM acutely. [I HOPE IT WON'T BE TOO LONG BEFORE I KNOW; I CAN'T stand IT] SAW MR. GEORGE BAKER AT THE Art Center WHO WAS SWELL TO ME... SAW 2 DOUBLE FEATURES! Beau Jeste AND TONIGHT MICKEY + I WENT TO FOREIGN Correspondent

MARCH 8

1939 10:15 And Cr. Wr. Class again and me with nothing to hand in - I've got to start "accomplishing" 100 miles per (in more ways than one!)

1940 2:00 Friday Began re-doing "Dummy" some job! - Worked out a cover which I think is pretty good if Leonard will only do it now - It was Bob's birthday - We 3 felt so silly tonight

1941 SENT BOB A TELEGRAM... FOOLED AROUND DOWNTOWN (TSK TSK IN SLACKS) LOOKED AT A $50 WATCH - I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE ONE NICE THING TO SHOW FOR A YEAR'S WORK - CAST THE ALL'SED FAIR - LOOKS FAIRLY GOOD (??) WISH THE OTHERS WERE ON THE WAY, TOO. (DAMMIT). ABOUT READY TO TRY "T.M.", CAN'T FIND THE BOOK - 

1942 Oh happy Day - kidded myself into writing letters all day - 7! Walked down, mailed them, had given up hope by 7:15 + bang he called. Later said he'd spent half an hour contemplating the phone... After going to the Granada, walking home, having coke, etc. talked even more. Said I "never needed" to "worry" around him - Gee.

1943 12:00 WELL, I WAS A COWARD TODAY; STAYED HOME and WASHED CLOTHES, ME, MY HAIR; CLEANED + STRAIGHTENED UP IN GENERAL. I CALLED MR. Krikorian HAS FELLAS AVAILABLE, damn... HEARD FROM Leonard, THANK GOODNESS. HE IS DOING WELL, WILL GET NO POST-INDUCTION furlough.

MARCH 7

1939 10:55 It seems as though Tuesdays are always cold... Went to a class finished column (What fellas think of wimmin's clothes) + Read Shakespeare

1940 Thurs 12:15 - I played bridge over at Marg's tonight (They've moved back to 21st again) It was really a relief to be around girls again. Took stuff down to E's.

1941 IS THIS ME OR SOMEONE ELSE STRUGGLING AROUND INSIDE MY SKIN... I WOULDN'T KNOW - TORE (LITERALLY) ALL DAY... TRYOUTS... HOWARDSON TOURNEMENT THAT DAMN WUMKES... SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO -

1942 Sat Hell, here I've wasted practically a whole day mooning like an adolescent... I wish I'd get over it. So what - he didn't call you -You'll live! - Met Jean G. for lunch. Saw D.J. this afternoon. - She's sweet.

1943 SUN 1:45 AND I THOUGHT THIS AFFAIR WOULD BE "Uncomplicated" MIGOSH - BUT HE IS NICE - AND I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT TO MESS UP ANYTHING FOR HIM... WE WENT M. of MA. AND THEN TO Cafe Society Downtown WHICH WAS NO DISAPPOINTMENT. OH + WE WENT TO DINNER, TOO. - AT A NICE PLACE... I HATE HAVING ALL THAT MONEY SPENT ON ME -

MARCH 6

1939 10:40 This can't be me because I feel so well - Someone gently shoved me a few inches forward in the hall I turned around + he walked down the stairs without even looking my way - (It must have been my frilly fresh white blouse) Later I interviewed him for the Mirror... I'm not so afraid of him any more - The Plays even off swell - I'm going to do the rations for the F.B. Banquet again 25th - It would save a lot of problems if I got a date.

1940 Wed. I have suddenly realized it's only 2 weeks until vacation + Chicago (supposedly!) How can I get everything done?

1941 Thursday - And I suddenly realize (like hell - I've been counting the days) its 4 weeks until Easter Vacation + Chicago. Darn, I'd still like to put on the Terrible Mech, too. - I'd have to re-write THAT - worked 8:00-6:30. 8:11:00.

1942 Friday! Civic Music. All I did was sit there + think about Leonard, dammit! Did the patterns over for R.N. Phillips nursery... I'd better put in a hill. We printed Etchings. - Spring today.

1943 1:00 SAT. (I WONDER where LEONARD IS - IF HE'S BEEN ASSIGNED TO A BASE YET)... FIRST BLOW; I WAS READY TO ACCEPT Scholastic, BUT THEY DON'T WANT ME UNTIL MAY 16! - HELL, I WANTED TO START WORK Monday... IT WAS A WET, miserable, HORRIBLE DAY... DIDN'T ANTICIPATE ENJOYING MYSELF, BUT I DID. Jarv + I WENT TO DINNER + a show.

MARCH 5

1939 10:50 I hope I never spend another Sunday like this again! - After this I'm going to Church + do something. I wasted the whole day... the only job I did was washing dishes + my hair - I felt pretty awful about spending another dateless Sunday Evening  - But I'm a fool to mope about it!

1940 Tues - I'm practically incoherent with fatigue - Everyone was mean today - I seem to inspire it - Leonard is the only one.

1941 11:45 I WISH HE WERE AROUND TO WEEP ON THIS YEAR - IF ONLY METAPHORICALLY... LAST NIGHT I WORKED TILL 2:00... TONIGHT I TYPED PART OF IT AFTER DINNER - UNTIL 10:30 + I GOT SCARED BEING IN THE BUILDING ALONE - I MISS MY WALKS - I'M NOIVUS AND PEOPLE ANNOY ME - MOSTLY BLANCHE -

1942 12:00 After all this time Peggy Bell + I finally got together again. She is irrepressible as ever... Told me amazing tale about Bev. Carlson! - My slip kept showing all day. Straightened up around.

1943 12:30 Anyhow, I got my ration book and my check cashed (otherwise I wasted today) Met Peggy after her lesson. We ate at the Automat, dessert at a Petrified Forest Drug Store where the disturbing soda jerk argued with us. Then a horrible man scared me in the subway. Felt neurotic all evening. Stopped at Saint Patrick for Leonard.

MARCH 4

1939 1:45 Talked + talked after playing bridge. Marguerite + I certainly agree... I feel awful. I ate all day.

1940 Monday 12:00 Inevitably - I had a sneaking suspicion there was another quizz due - pretty soon! - 20th!

1941 9:45 Well, I guess I'll have to really start writing... this is the last thing I can think of "to do" - I hope it can produce... It will be just 4 weeks from tonight... (I shudder to think what must take place before then)

1942 11:00 Well, I baffled them I guess. It would have been much more fun if Kraus hadn't let it out of the bag. I wonder what Leonard thought of White Night? I went to looks with Bill, Emil, Wilbur, John K -

1943 12:45 I DIDN'T EVEN MIND GETTING UP THIS MORNING! AND I WAS THERE BEFORE "HERMAN" (HE BOUGHT THE TICKETS FOR NEXT Friday! - joy) FINISHED MY LAY-OUTS, WORKED UNTIL SIX - LIKE THEIR ART dept. HERMAN BOUGHT ME A DRINK ACROSS THE STREET. (JARV CALLED yesterday) DATE W/ H FOR SUNDAY. Mickey AND I SAW SHADOW OF A DOUBT... I HOPE MR. KRIKORIAN CALLS tomorrow!

MARCH 2 and MARCH 3

MARCH 3

1939 11:15 Mother + Dad aren't home yet - It has been snowing + everything is very still this morning - I didn't make my 11:15 class this morning - I drew all day. About 3:30 Del + I went over for coffee (I didn't see Tommy!) + talked for an hour. She worships Eide like I do I think. Mary was over tonight talking about hospital.

1940 - COME FILL THE CUP, + IN THE FIRE OF SPRING

Sunday - Egad, the luxury of a 

- YOUR WINTER GARMENTS DARK PENITENCE FLING

whole day of doing what I want to 

- THE BIRD OF TIME HAS BUT A LITTLE WAY 

Slept till 11:00 - And had a nap,

-TO FLUTTER- + THE BIRD IS ON THE WING!

this afternoon - I'll last, I guess.

1941 Monday 11 - work - work - work. And none of it means anything! - School till 6:00 - Back from 7:30 until 10:00. When am I going to write those plays? - Anyhow I'm not so bewildered!

1942 3:00 Wrote until 2:30... Don't know if More White is the Essence is good or corny. - We ate over at Eleanor's off her new china.

I'm booshed.

1943 WED 12:00 I think there could be many jobs worse than working up at Scholastic. Swell atmosphere. Mr. Mann (Herman!) took me to lunch. And I also have a date for Lady In the Dark (at long last). He likes my lay-outs, too!

MARCH 2

1939 Thursday 11:30 I just got through writing 5 letters - I feel a little noble (I hope I get 5 answers)

For a woman who was in love a few short weeks ago, I'm out of it (+ in it again) Tommy wore that purpley sweater of his today. He came in to see me

1940 Saturday 1:00 - Will we ever be finished? - I am very much disappointed... terribly disgusted and disappointed

1941 OH GOD, I NAUSEATE MYSELF... WHY DON'T I DO SOMETHING, INSTEAD OF CONTEMPLATE THEM? - DAMN - THINGS GET WAY OUT OF PERSPECTIVE WITH THIS ROTTEN PROCRASTINATION... IF I CAN JUST LIVE THROUGH THIS MONTH!

1942 Good Day - Well, busy anyhow. - Allan Werner + Lass were up from Le Mare... I went to Woman of the Year with Donna + talked at Blackfriar tonight. Bob came home w. me.

1943 TUES 11:30 FIXED ME UP IN GENERAL (BATHED during THE BLACKOUT!) FOR TO WORK TOMORROW AT SCHOLASTIC, FREElance ON A LAY-OUT JOB. MR. ROBINSON PHONED TONIGHT... HAD A dispassionate DAY. WENT TO AGENCY, EASTMAN. MY PICTURES CAME TODAY, finally. NOW IT WILL DO Leonard NO GOOD!

MARCH 1

1939 12:15 Tonight we saw the "Ballet Russe" Maxime and the Con Con were super. I feel very good about nothing in general... (Some of the fellas from school were in the Ballet) - Mother + Dad are still gone... I'll be glad when they are back...

1940 1:30 I know I gave every out-ward appearance of being licked today. For a while I really felt (tonight) I was ready to quit. - But now I know I can do it! - PERSPECTIVE

1941 BOB + LEONARD STAYED MUCH TOO LONG TONIGHT... I COULDN'T BEAR TO MOVE THEM... NOT SITTING NEXT TO LEONARD (DAMN HIM) WOULD HAVE GIVEN ANYTHING, HAD HE KISSED ME TONIGHT... HELL... DIDN'T SEE GRANSKOV... OR SPITZNAGEL...

1942 Well, I actually got a little writing done. Not enough yet to read Wednesday. Everyone was over for dinner. Would like to have had Leonard! - But then - Walked out to school. Moon

1943 12:30 HELL, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SPOT A PUB. WE DID NOT GO TO Lady in the Dark I FINALLY WALKED OUT ON THE DEAL! - THERE'S ALWAYS A FIRST TIME, I GUESS. Registered w/ LUCY + HAUSNER THIS AFT... GOT 5 BEAUTIFUL FAT LETTERS THIS MORNING!

FEBRUARY 29

1939 

1940 12:30 Once every 4 years - Well, thank goodness for it this year - I think we will have stuff pretty well lined up - came home with 6 fellas

1941

1942

1943

FEBRUARY 28

1939 11:15 According to the lecturer I heard tonight, there will not be war. I hope he was right - I went down town this morning; bought some new things (also some pink wool anklets!) Ate lunch w. Eleanor  rehearsal... Found out that 20 is too young for the position at F's rather relieved

1940 12:20 Accomplished little - will this jag ever be over - Not if I don't do something it won't...

1941 FRI. GOT HOME ABOUT 6:30... MARY WAS WITH US FOR DINNER TOO... MOTHER + I TALKED ALONE TOGETHER I PERSUADED HER TO SLEEP WITH ME - THANK GOODNESS.

1942 Sat Ah luxury, no Sat. morning class on accounta L.A.U. - Washed my hair + clothes. Met Eleanor this aft. bought her a pr. of rugs. Went over to Donna's about 10:00.

1943 SUN 12:30 (...I'LL NEVER GO TO CARNEGIE AGAIN UNLESS I HAVE A TICKET!) EVEN TO HEAR THE Don COSSACKS. I WROTE TO SHIRLEY THIS MORNING. I FEEL SORRY FOR HER with ALL THE BOYS LEAVING... I WALKED 80 BLOCKS THIS AFT. OVER TO Evelyn Kilsen's AND BACK SHE WASN'T HOME!

FEBRUARY 27

1939 11:30 This morning Mother left with Dad She will be gone a week. I'll miss her a lot... I cleaned up the house and walked out for my class... Went home with Virginia for lunch. Marvelous baked beans - Went to play pr. twice (Still don't know my lines) to a show. - Heard Agnes Hyde review W.W. Rain tonight + I'm now reading R + J

1940 12:00 Tuesday My suit came today It was really a thrill... (It feels lovely) I meant to go to bed early but I seem out of the habit - Bob, Leonard + I worked tonight.

1941 (It's "better" this year, than it was last...) Well - I'm rarin' to go home tomorrow - I haven't got things ready - I intend to stay up tonight and finish those damn short stories if it kills me! - Bridge Club tonight - food - ugh. Everything I "considered" giving up for Lent has been tasted - Larry + Miriam tried to work on my

1942 Friday Okay, you go home at 11:00 - see if I care (you did trip on the last step, though - ha!) - We went to H.S. Flyin' High Mother had club today. Really rustled around. Bought jonquils. Sweet.

1943 SAT I WAS IN SOME SEMI-PRIVATE WORLD OF MY OWN ALL DAY... NOTHING SEEMS TO touch ME; SOMEHOW... DID MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION ON THE MR. R. AT SCHOLASTIC, THOUGH. Mr. Steiner CALLED AND SAID HE HAS SOMETHING ELSE LINED UP FOR MY "ABILITY" - WE HAD DINNER AT Madame BONAT'S, I ATE too much, THOUGH... LISTENED TO BIANCA.

FEBRUARY 26

1939 11:20 Somehow, I think I will last through this vague agonizing vacuum of disappointments + responsibilities... I am still glad I am who I am... I still am stupidly optimistic enough to think that I will accomplish 95% of the things that are beginning to bear down... When I am too weak to think that, there's always the coward's way out -

1940 Monday - It would be so swell to have "cartoon" for the Edda - I hope it works out - Went out to school - aw nothing...

1941 11:00 (Rumbahs are certainly go - I can hear all I want of them now - one on now) - Whadaya know? - Actually utilized about every minute today. Gave tests. - Corrected until 6:00... Then from 7:30 until 10:30... Got PAID today - 3 more paychecks - (Then what?) - Lorraine + Alberta helped me they are sweet - 

1942 Thurs Well Eleanor + Philip have been transferred to ADVANCE Missouri. Mother feels terrible - But then maybe they will have to really depend on each other now.

1943 FRI I HAVE an interview tomorrow morning with the PUBLISHER OF SCHOLASTIC. AH DILEMMA... MISS Sacks KEPT MY POEMS (CLARAS) and kodachromes. I HOPE SOMETHING COMES OF IT! SAW Vogue + Glamour - WENT I. MILLER (WHERE I SAW SOME SHOES) MICKY and I SAW G.B. Shaw's MAJOR BARBARA

FEBRUARY 25

1939 12:45 I think I'm out of it now... for a while this day was just pure hell... I can't remember when I've been in such a suicidal mood... I woke up crying - (I kept it up spasmodically)... Sometimes Eleanor hurts me terribly... more so than she means, I'm sure... Tonight I sketched at the school Carnival. Nessa + I "caught up" with each other since

1940 1:15 Howard took me to epoch-al "G.W.T. Wind" - I completely lost myself in it... Marie + I tied for "typical" - She + Wyman will be it. I'll have a hard time keeping it quiet. Wish I could be a combination of Scarlett + Melanie

1941 Dammit - didn't get to go over to Haywarden. However, I was quite content to stay home + knit + talk with Mrs. Reeves - She still hears nothing from Robt. Hope he is okay.

1942 Wed It was Shirley Morgan's Birthday. I went down + bought a cake at Nash. Made coffee in the kitchenette. It was successful. Bill + Leonard helped me w/ the dishes.

1943 THURS (I HOPE MY CARD GOT THERE IN TIME!) WELL I PAID $10 ON AN EIGHTY-SEVEN $ COAT... WOW I'LL HAVE TO GET A JOB now... I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S A GOOD INVESTMENT... INTERVIEWED Mr. Stowell OVER AT ARCH. RECORD, WHO MAY GIVE ME AN in AT Glammer AND VOGUE... I FORGOT TO GET ME RATION-BOOK OF COURSE! - HOPE I CAN STILL MAKE IT. OI, NO MAIL (or male) TODAY. WASHED ME HAIR. TALKED RUSSIAN w/ LIZA

FEBRUARY 24

1939 12:15 I hate to walk home alone at 12 o'clock at night. I was plenty frightened when a sneaky looking coupe cut across the boulevard I hid in a driveway until I thought it had gone... I stayed home from school + read Shakespeare. 

1940 2:30 It's a vicious circle - I can't work during the day on accounta all the interruptions and at night, Howard heckles.

1941 A HELLUVA DAY, if I do say so... But did get a swell letter + etching from Bob - He seems very much adjusted, now. Thank Goodness... GEE, the futility of time - or something. I still believe in TODAY, but still can't speed up my activities to live up to my concept!

1942 Tues - Italian Renaissance in History of Art - What a headache

1943 WED I APPLIED AT RAYMOND LOEWY'S STUDIOS; THERE IS A possibility OF MY DOING SOME MURAL DECORATIONS FOR THEM! (IF I ONLY COULD!) ...MET Elizabeth FRAZER ON FIFTH AVENUE, FUN. LEONARD WRITES HE REPORTS FOR INDUCTION ON MARCH 6TH... WHICH HIT ME HARD, EMIL'S COMING TURNED OUT WELL, HE SAYS... I'M SO DARN GLAD... HAD FURTHER APT. with SCHOLASTIC, WHICH WOULD PAY $40 A WEEK! - Yipes! - WHICH IS darn good

FEBRUARY 23

1939 1:30 Today I applied for my "Social Security" number! - I sold 15 hats + got very tired of standing on my feet. I am thankful today is over! 

1940 10:45 It was foolish of me to be so upset all day... I was afraid to go over to the studio for fear of having to face Howard - Very Silly - 

1941 1:00 Here we go again, boys... Frederic + I saw Philadelphia Story (tres bon) most of the evening I was shy + self conscious + felt I was putting on an act all of the time - But not now, I don't think... ? ? ? 

1942 Mon We're doing etchings in techniques -

1943 TUES YIPES! WOULD I love TO HAVE THAT JOB UP AT THE NEW YORK TIMES, ASSISTANT TO Mr. Krikorian! HE WAS beautiful TO ME; SCHOLASTIC PRESS IS BECKONING. EASTMAN SOUNDS VERY CUT and DRIED, I'M AFRAID... J. WALTER THOMPSON IS OUT, I GUESS - SEEMED TO THINK I'D BE STIFLED... HAD 5 INTERVIEWS TODAY. SAW THE LADY Vanishes + NIGHTTRAIN

FEBRUARY 22

1939 9:45 I'm a little scared, I guess... tomorrow I "try-out" selling hats... first "real" job... I was restless + tired all day... that must have been quite a spill I took... I still feel sort of shaken

1940 4:45 It was rather inevitable, I suppose... In a way, I wish it hadn't happened + " " I'm glad it has... And I though Howard was so unemotional. It does complicate things.

1941 11:45 the happy (?) celibate I... (How do you pronounce that?) Made out test at least. Mrs. Reeves baked buns + cookies... We had "tea" about 4:00 - I typed at school, heard Wagner - wept a little weep. Leonard - Hell.

1942 Sun 12:45 - Donna + I saw the Man Who Came to Dinner even that couldn't take my mind off last night... I wonder if he thought about me...

1943 MON PEGGY + I HAD breakfast IN BED THIS MORNING; QUEL LUXURY!... ELEANOR writes I CAN HAVE A BUYER- DECORATOR job AT Donahue's... Gee, IF THAT HAD ONLY BROKEN BEFORE! I'M UP ON THE ROOF BASKING IN THE SUNLIGHT, HAVING washed MY CLOTHES + AM GOING TO GET CAUGHT UP IN GENERAL... LATER: ALL I DID WAS WRITE Leonard (I HOPE I DIDN'T SAY TOO MUCH) THIS AFT... PEGGY CAME HOME ABOUT 5:00... WE ATE + I IRONED and WROTE LETTERS TONIGHT... PEG CUTTING HER calories