DECEMBER 24

1939 Sunday 2:15 It was almost a bleary Christmas Eve. - My colossal idea for quilted chintz picture frames didn't work out... (After all that precious time) Bob came over - We had intended to go to the Cathedral but went to Mrs. Peck's for "Smorgasboard" + to Episcopal Church. - Came over here with Ed + Eleanor afterward -

1940 WORKED HARD ALL DAY GETTING HOUSE + ME CLEANED UP... WAS REALLY TIRED... COULD HARDLY GET UP AM-----------

DRESSED + GO DOWN TO MEET THE TRAIN ELEANOR + I FEEL VERY ALERT NOW, THOUGH AFTER A CUPPA COFFEE - SAW BOB + LEONARD OVER AT FOSTERS... DEAR BRATS

1941 1:50 Baby's home, putting up her hair. Normal, natural. - She's quite stable about Philip. (Thank Goodness) Trimmed tree - worked. Jo came in. Cute kid. No Leonard ? ? ? Gee - Hope tomorrow is good.

1942 12:20 I HAVE NO JUST CAUSE TO FEEL SO lonely I'M IN THE MIDST OF MY HOME, YET I'M VERY ALONE... STRANGELY DEPRESSED ALL DAY. [ADMIT IT - ITS BECAUSE TONIGHT'S Christmas  - AND NO SIGN THAT MR. PAYNE EVEN KNOWS YOU!]... AND BECAUSE Eleanor IS NO LONGER AS CLOSE TO ME AS SHE WAS... 

1943

DECEMBER 23

1939 At long last - a sister, again. She didn't get in until 12:00 today, instead of 10:30 - She looked so swell to us when she got off the train... We both have simply horrible colds.

1940 MAILED SLEW OF CARDS TODAY - EVEN GOT THEM ADDRESSED + READY FOR THE MAILS... SENT ABOUT 40 PINK LAMBS DID UP PKGS. MR. SPITZNAGEL CAME OVER... HE IS OKAY JOE - 

1941 Fun today Doing up packages. Got a housecoat for Mother from Dad - Hope its ok. - Went bowling with Stan - hmm. - Wasn't he who called last night.

1942 12- I FELT LIKE I WAS FALLING off A CLIFF, AND NO ONE EVEN NOTICED IT - ALL SECURITY SEEMS ILLUSORY... Leonard WAS QUIET, but "AWARE" OF ME, I THINK... WOULD LIKE TO HAVE ASKED HIM TO GO TO church TOMORROW BUT DIDN'T

1943

DECEMBER 22

1939 12:00 And here I thought I'd be staying up all night + pasting portraits - But Eide very considerately shoved our deadline ahead - It certainly would have been tough to meet it!

1940 SPENT DAY MAKING CHRISTMAS CARDS

1941 Mon HECTIC - Didn't get away from home until noon - Finished new batch of cards + shopped. Went to Boyers with Nessa - She's a wreck

1942 TUES SPENT TODAY IN BED... MADE A RED PETTICOAT FOR Olga TONIGHT... MY HONEY CALLED... SO DID MICHAEL - She's MARVELOUS. GEE, I WISH I COULD SHAKE THIS COLD! 

1943

DECEMBER 21

1939 Thurs. - I am still dead! - Got up at six - I wouldn't have missed it... (no snow - But cold!) - mailed my cards -

1940 WAS DOWNTOWN, SAW PEEPUL, GOBS. - FUN TO SAY "HELLO" - SHOPPED ALL AFTERNOON... SAW D.J., BETTE'S, MARIE... HAD LUNCH w/ JEAN V. SHE IS TO BE MARRIED 25TH. HOPE SHE IS HAPPY. SHE DESERVES IT.

1941 11:45 - ACTUALLY STAYED HOME TONIGHT - DIDN'T DO A DAMN THING ALL DAY EXCEPT WASH MY HAIR - AND RE-LIVE LAST NIGHT -

1942 MON OH! - EM I MEESURABLE! - SUCH A COLD. I THINK I'M ALLERGIC TO THAT RUBBER cement I USED ON MY Christmas Cards. Took me ALL day to finish them + address them. Shirley HANSON came over for a while...

1943

DECEMBER 20

1939 Wed 8:00 Stayed out at the Dorm with Marie - I am dead - B. Ball Game -

1940 (IN RETROSPECT) - OH, EXQUISITE RELIEF... WINDOW LOOKED SWELL... WISH THEY'D REALIZE I CAN DO SOMETHING. CERTAINLY GLAD TO GET OUT OF 7TH PERIOD ENG! -

1941 JUST ABOUT PERFECT [EXCEPT WE DIDN'T GET TO REALLY TALK] I WON'T EVEN HAVE TO DREAM TONIGHT * HE SEEMS TO THINK HE ISN'T ALL I BELIEVE HIM TO BE - BUT GEE HE CAN'T DISILLUSION ME BY REMOTE CONTROL! I S'POSE I SHOULD BE MORE CAGEY + FEMININE BUT CAN'T - WITH LEONARD -

1942 SUN. DARLING - SORT OF AN "ANNIVERSARY" ... AND A LOVELY PRESENT - TO HEAR YOU SAY 'I LOVE YOU' - YOU HAD EVEN WANTED TO GO TO church WITH ME THIS MORNING - TO THE cathedral... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH - NOT VIOLENTLY, LIKE LAST NIGHT, BUT JUST QUIETLY and SURELY [JOHN + HE CAME OVER TONIGHT AND WE MADE + addressed CHRISTMAS CARDS]

1943

DECEMBER 19

1939 11:00 Well. - I worked all day on my Vogue Quizz. It looked lousy - I hope next time I'll take more than one day! Seely sent me a Christmas Card

1940 12:30 Tomorrow I'll be home, Thank God. Freddie gave me a box of Etons - stationary, "Nice", but I was a little disappointed... I cleaned up Art Room - Think I'll almost want to torch them after vac. Fred's worried about us I guess. He is sweet - 

1941 1:30 VIRGINIA + I WENT TO "THE WOMEN" - GLAD I WASN'T IN IT - I'M NOT SAVORING THE PROSPECT OF A VACATION - REALLY AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET SOMETHING ACCOMPLISHED!

1942 SAT MIGOSH, I WONDER WHAT THEY PUT IN THAT PUNCH?!!! ...I WAS UP FROM 4:00 - ON THIS MORNING - MAYBE IT WAS COMBINATION of STRAIN + EXCITEMENT - BUT boy, WAS I SICK. PAUL CAME OVER TONIGHT. HIS FRANCAIS EST PARFAIT... HE STAYED TO SAY GOOD-BYE - WE HAD ICE-CREAM - I'M thin - NO WONDER!

1943

DECEMBER 18

1939 11:00 Society Party Dinner I guess maybe I shouldn't have asked Hunk - I'm rather upset - in a way I'd like to date him + "..." I wouldn't dare!

1940 12 - Only 2 more days! - Freddie called tonight. - I should have worked but didn't, of course. I don't think I'll ever marry him. We get along well, but something is missing. -

1941 12:45 - I WAS NO GOOD TODAY - BETTER IMPROVE BY TOMORROW! - LEONARD IS GOING TO WRK DOWN AT MORELLI'S FOR A WEEK. SUPPOSE I WON'T SEE HIM UNTIL SCHOOL STARTS AGAIN, DAMMIT. - PARTY OVER AT COLLINGS - I SEEM TO FIT IN - !!!!

1942 FRI (QUITE A CHANGE!)... I SUPPOSEDLY "chaperoned" THE DEMO-ATHENIAN PARTY... ONLY FROEMKES CAME TOO... IN SPITE OF THE FACT, WE DANCED!!! [I WAS GLAD I DIDN'T WEAR A FORMAL!] I WAS SO HAPPY TO BE WITH Leonard ALONE HERE AT HOME, AFTERWARDS - CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTS - MAGIC. I HAVEN'T BEEN "SENT" LIKE THAT FOR QUITE A WHILE.

1943

DECEMBER 17

1939 Sunday - Didn't do my Vogue quizz - went to Chair Concert - it was beautiful! - Went over to Helen's! Shirley was over - Shirley seems changed!

1940 1:00 Only 3 days! - Wonderful news that there is a definite possibility Eleanor may be able to come home. Dear God, I hope she may!

1941 1:00 Excitement of last night wore off about 2:00 - leaving me very tired. - Finish cards or nursery sketches - Must accomplish tomorrow. Wilber read a swell story in Creative Wr.

1942 THURS I GAVE THE Saroyan DEAL AGAIN, OUT AT SCHOOL... AND SURPRISINGLY WELL... D.J. + SHIRLEY + I WENT DOWN TO THE HEN - A LITTLE unsatisfactory...D.J MISSES Larry TERRIBLY. CHAPEL THIS MORNING AT ALL SAINTS... BEAUTIFUL. I GOT MY CHECK - BEAUTIFUL...

1943

DECEMBER 16

1939 Sat Made about 60 Christmas cards today - That's all - Rosalind is over here. - It seems good to sleep w someone. 

1940 11:00 4 more days! - Gee I can hardly wait! - I think I will go to Chicago. What's a few lousy dollars to me? Hope I can get a reservation on the "Hiawatha" - Hope I can make the dance, too. Am looking forward to it so much. Very little accomplished. 

1941 8:00 ONE of the most stimulating, exciting days I've had for ages! - Had lunch with part of cast of There Shall Be no Night - Sat by Montgomery Clift - Sooper. - Leonard (missed another?) Philo-Web Dinner - The THE PLAY - God, Beautiful.

1942 WED FORMAL DINNER... QUITE AWFUL... DIDN'T STAY FOR THE TREE... I KNEW Paul WAS WAITING... WE MADE POPCORN + TALKED. HE SEEMS VERA NICE... MRS. DONALDSON FASCINATES ME. REMIND ME TO WEAR Red FORMALS WHEN I'M 50!

1943

DECEMBER 15

1939 Friday - Another day, another game - Donna Jean + I really want to do one night up right!

1940 11:30 I SHOULDA STAYED AT HOME INSTEAD OF GOING OUT WITH FREDDIE - BUT WHAT COULD I DO? - I'M ASKING? - GEE, DIDN'T GET A DAMN THING DONE TODAY - JUST HOW I EXPECT TO GET IT ALL DONE BY CHRISTMAS VAC'S MORE THAN I CAN SAY -

1941 11:00 THIS IS GOING TO BE A BUSY WEEK - BOMBINGS... FELLAS MET UP AT SCHOOL... GEE, AUGGIE WILL BE HARDLY MORE THAN A GIRLS SCHOOL! PRESIDENT SPOKE AGAIN - MADE A FAIRLY SUCCESSFUL ETCHING MADE 50 - WANT TO GET THEM DONE TOMORROW - MR. PA WANTS ONLY 4 OR 5 ANIMALS FOR NURSERY

1942 11:00 FELT AWFUL - too MUCH SLEEP, I GUESS. BORING DAY... HEMMED CURTAINS... MADE GOBS OF ANGELS... WOOF... PAUL CALLED TONIGHT. - STAYED DOWN TOWN SO LATE HAD TO TAKE A TAXI TO All Saints AGAIN.

1943

DECEMBER 14

1939 Thurs. - Picampus made its debut today - snazzy lookin! - Everything's swell, but Carp got a nasty letter from John G. - about delinquencies which may mean expulsion! - We had supper over at Vencoe's + went to the game. 

1940 3:15 Well, Frederick has practically committed himself... I was really surprised he'd go so far... I doubt that he is anything but sincere, and it's a little confusing - First I want him, then don't - He was so damn sweet; I think it would be fun being married to him, but yet there are so many things that would prevent my even considering something like that - I'm damn sleepy!

1941 11:55 SUNDAY - SLEPT LATE - CLEANED MY ROOM, WASHED CLOTHES... MOTHER + I WENT TO CHRISTMAS VESPERS... LEONARD CAME + SAT BY ME... FIREWORKS - IF THEY WERE HALF AS VIOLENT FOR HIM AS FOR ME, HE CAN'T HOLD OUT VERY MUCH LONGER... WHEN HE LOOKS AT ME, A THOUSAND PEOPLE DISINTEGRATE AND THERE IS NO ONE AT ALL EXCEPT WE TWO-

1942 10:30 FIRST BLACKOUT FOR SIOUX FALLS... 10-10:20... READ A CHAPTER IN Modern Art... WAS IN A COMA THE REST OF THE EVENING - ON THE DAVENPORT... I HAVE NO CAUSE TO BE SO TIRED. GOT JR. HI. MAKING ANGELS THIS evening...KIDS HAD A Blackout Party AT SCHOOL. BUT I DIDN'T go.

1943

DECEMBER 13

1939 Wed. - Just mark another one up as wasted, babe - You're certainly living in a fool's paradise - You think that someone or something is going to do everything for you - It would have to be a miracle - who shall I ask?

1940 12:00 Friday the 13 - And, for the most part, lived up to its reputation... But I am still Hepburn inspired. I'm going to accomplish a hellava lot - tomorrow. - Freddie + I went to collitch game. Nice "friendly" evening. Funny part of it is - I enjoyed it. You don't have to be "excited" to have a pleasant evening I guess... I really hope I can have more of the same thing!

1941 12:00 WHY IS IT I GET SO VIOLENTLY IMPERSONAL WHEN I'M SCARED? - IT ISN'T LOGICAL - HELPED MASK OFF MAP THIS AFT + BOB LEFT EARLY THERE WE WERE ALONE AGAIN... LEONARD TRIED 3 TIMES TO BREAK THROUGH - IT WAS MY FAULT FOR NOT RESPONDING - MAYBE I WAS AFRAID OF THE CONSEQUENCES... MARG WAS HERE.

1942 SUN MR. SPITZNAGEL HAD A lovely PARTY FOR A Roumanian ARCHITECT AND HER HUSBAND. I HOPE I DIDN'T REGISTER TOO MUCH SURPRISE WHEN I SAW LEONARD (I DIDN'T KNOW MR. S ASKED HIM! - PROBABLY SAW US AT THE GAME TOGETHER LAST NIGHT!) WE HAD SHERRY and MARVELOUS FOOD. L + I WENT DOWN TO THE GRILL + DANCED. WENT TO A MOVIE. 

1943

DECEMBER 12

1939 Tore around in general, accomplishing nothing particular - it scares me when I think how much I must have done by Christmas! I wish I'd do something about it. (Went to C. theater play tonight) I'd like to be in one of them too.

1940 Friday and Hepburn... made me rember I was once a gal of vitality + enthusiasm, too! - And I intend to be one again... She was wonderful... Made me realize how stuffy + dull and stupid I have been... I must quit existing and start living! -

1941 FRIDAY - B. Ball game w/ G. Adolphus - Gee, and we lost in an overtime! - painted on my tempera panel - went to music class - Christmas Cards!

1942 SAT (WE BOTH HAD COLDS - WHICH MADE IT okay -) STAYED IN ALL DAY SO I COULD GO OUT TONIGHT - WE WENT TO THE B. BALL GAME - AND SAT IN FRONT OF REV. Glenn! -

...PRACTICALLY FROZE ON THE WAY DOWN - AND WAITING FOR THE BUS. Leonard FIGURES MAYBE HE MISSED OUT SOMEPLACE...

1943

DECEMBER 11

1939 Monday - Who should sneak up behind me today but Seely - I was talking to Leonard. Bob had warned me Ray was up at school, but I was still flabbergasted - He was at the game tonight, too. - And I don't think it would have taken much to get him to take me home - but I don't know

1940 10:30 Ye Gods! - here we go agin... I was going to stay home - never going to see Chuck again! - He picked me up after dinner - we argued for 2 hours and a half. He doesn't know it, but I won - ha. - Well, what if I did kiss him goodbye?

1941 THURS Mother + I stayed home tonight. I sewed some more on my white blouse. - Wish it were done. Didn't call Jean. She said L. was over.

1942 FRI WAS OUT with Paul... HE HAS BEEN TO Europe 3 TIMES... HIS MOTHER IS FRENCH - HE IS A NICE KID - VERA YOUNG... BUT IN LINE FOR A COMMISSION... WE SAW A MOVIE [I HAD WANTED to STAY HOME WITH THE RADIO...] ...IT WAS AWF'LY COLD AND I'M HALF ill. [Leonard CALLED!]

1943

DECEMBER 10

1939 Sunday - Again I am in the dog-house for staying out late! I don't say its unwarranted; but you'd think they'd realize I'm 21 ! ! ! Donna Jean + Bette + I went to "Everyman" at school -

1940 12:30 Mrs. R. says Robert will be home Sunday. Don't know quite what to expect. Saw Freddie on the street - waved gaily, spoke to him... It was a struggle to get through today. - Someday I'm going to sing Jack Koerner!

1941 Wed. Went to Ibsen's Doll House with D.J. + Sari - Bob's brother did a swell job. Axis has declared war on us + vice-versa.

1942 THURS - FELT QUITE awful - physically - OVER TO STERNS' TONIGHT. BARBARA IS CERTAINLY BEAUTIFUL... WE REALLY TALKED - intelligently, I THINK... WENT D. TOWN sans HAT - MAYBE THAT'S WHY MY NECK'S SO STIFF.

1943

DECEMBER 9

1939 Sat - 12:00 Just to finish out the week right - Went to a movie w. Sara --- I can't wait to see Eleanor - I wonder if she has changed -

1940 3:00 Well, I hope you're satisfied, now! God, why do I do these things? Absolutely I'll never go out with Chuck again! - Of all the cheap little fools - why do I for one minute think I can bear to live with myself + act like this? - Thank God, I do feel conscience-stricken!

1941 Tues. Stayed home + sewed - felt terrible all day until tonight - There were blackouts in Calif. - Air Raid warning in New York City. 

1942 WED. gobble, gobble, gobble. - I'm glad I'm not one of those young matrons for whom I gave a report on William Saroyan. The other soldier called tonight... Some guy. I went out to school about 3:15 and worked till 5:00... John + Shirley + I had coffee...

1943

DECEMBER 8

1939 1:55 It was fun, but my, its late - And I was going to get home early! - After Bob + I went to the basket-ball game, we went up to Lee's studio + played modern music - Lee made tea + I did the dishes - 

1940 I am crushed, absolutely. (It's smart to be flippant isn't it?) - Hell, Frederick did not call. And after all he said last night about how much he liked me. - more every time we went out - How much he missed me - Phooey! - He muttered something strange just before he kissed me good night for about the 8th time. But I can't quite remember what it was!

1941 10:30 Have I got a cold! - Ground colors in technique class - listened to War News. (West Coast vulnerable) 3000 killed + injured in yesterday's air raids!

1942 2:15 - I'M GLAD I WASN'T BITTER OR REPROACHFUL, HOW COULD I BE WHEN HE WAS SO TRULY PENITENT? ... I HAD TO TURN HIM DOWN FOR WED, THURS, + FRIDAY! (I HOPE HE FELT ME NOD MY HEAD FOR SAT.) HE SAID IT KILLED HIM TO SEE THE CORNERS OF MY MOUTH TURN DOWN... HE SAID HE HAD NO EXCUSES - JUST THAT SOMETIMES HE had TO BE ALONE... HE HAD CALLED FRIDAY... HIS INTEREST HASN'T LAGGED, I DON'T think

1943

DECEMBER 7

1939 11:45 - That estimate was screwy. Real one is around $900 - So is our printing bill - Felt swell - but tired all day - Drew Gowns for Chilson - Went over to Don's tonight. 

1940 1:35 Am I a hypocrite? ...Or maybe a fool? - Wish I knew. (probably a combination. Right now, I think F. is quite sincere... I am sure, however, that Freddie is not pour moi. (I could do worse!) - ...Shopped all day in Sioux City (majority of gifts bought) And tonight we pulled taffy over at F's... played Gin Rummy nice, quiet.

1941 11:30 SEEMED VAGUELY UNREAL, UNTIL THE NEWSBOYS STARTED SHOUTING EXTRAS. - JAPAN HAS BOMBED HAWAII - DECLARED WAR THIS WILL BE LONG + HARD + WE'LL BE FIGHTING IN GERMANY BEFORE WE'RE THROUGH! - I PRAY CIVILIZATION DOESN'T ENTIRELY DISINTEGRATE

1942 10:50 THE CLIMAX TO ABOUT A WEEK OF BEWILDERMENT AND FRUSTRATION! Leonard SENT 3 RED ROSES AND CALLED twice - BUT OF COURSE I WASN'T HOME. NATURALLY, I WAITED all EVENING FOR HIM TO PHONE - AND HE DIDN'T! - I FEEL completely BITCHY... I HAVE A LOVELY cold sore... I WAS OFFERED THE LEAD IN "WATCH ON THE RHINE" OUT AT COLLEGE... "PAUL H." CALLED for FRI. 

1943

DECEMBER 6

--------1:30

----------ll is swell - (After what he

------------go through in initiation) - 

---------ed -

 Got first rough estimate in

 Engraving - About 1,000 to much!

--940 Nothing seems to quite penetrate the haze...Went to a 

 B.B. game in Vermillion - Blanche, Fred + S... I had 

 looked forward to it all week... Long ride down - and

 back! Saw lot of Auggies at U. - Press came. - wish I 

 could have been with them! The Edda was up for state

 rating - Hope it comes out okay.

-----2:30 STAYED with Chils and Marie - We saw "Sky-

 lark"... They are both dead. - I cleaned out room office

 drawers - Spasmodically listened to Wagner

-----SUN 1:30 - VIRGINIA + I WALKED HOME IN THE

 Bitter COLD.... WE SAW "YOU WERE NEVER

 LOVELIER" AND HAD FUN IN THE Chocolate Shop

 AFTERWARD TALKING TO 3 SOLDIERS... ONE

 USED TO BE A DRUMMER W/ Jan Savitt... ALL

 afternoon DECORATING Studio... PARTY WAS A 

 SUCCESS I GUESS. I DIDN'T THINK I SHOULD STAY

 - TOO popular!

 1943

DECEMBER 5

1939 Tues 11:00 Coming home from the----------------------

artist series (an actress who-----------------------------------

No Time for Comedy). Bob + I got-----------------------------

valued in life - happiness + future-----------------------------

1940 1:00 Thurs. - Another Grim one. I start out okay. And--

then those darn kids start piling it on. And I forget I wa------

ever supposed to be a school teacher.-------------------------

Gee, I get disgusted with myself.------------------------------

Eleanor's letter leads me to think-----------------------------

Thinks I am pretty serious. Well, I'm--------------------------

1941 1:20 I shall probably be an old hag- good for nothing-

by the time I'm as old as some of those femine---------------

faculty members (Party at Sally's) Don't feel out of place----

with them - Worked on Tempura panel today.--------------

1942 SAT 2:00 STAYED UP TILL LATE WRITING ENLISTMENT SCRIPT FOR THE Navy...

DETERMINED NOT TO LET THE FACT Leonard 

DIDN'T CALL, BOTHER ME; BUT IT DID... I'VE 

FELT cold ALL DAY... WE COULD NOT GET THE 

HOUSE WARM THIS MORNING. IT WAS COLD IN 

THE TOWN CLUB WHERE VIRGINIA, JEANNE + 

BARBARA + I HAD LUNCH -

1943