APRIL 19

1939 12:20 (Wed) Today I saw the wild geese flying. The sky was bright blue and 4 or 5 flocks went winging their way west... It was beauty... I worked this afternoon - went to a "church dinner" left in time for cr. wr. class and Ray brought me home... I've got to do something... I don't have a will of my own

1940 Virginia F's mother had us over to dinner... it was her birthday - Can we be getting to be 22? - worked down at Printers. -

1941 (17) - 1:00 - Makin' out a test... Worried... Oh Hell...

1942 Sun I DON'T GET IT, MISTER PAYNE... YOU CAN COMMIT YOURSELF on WEDNESDAY + THEN LEAVE ME TO MYSELF ON A WHOLE WEEK-END. JUST DON'T MAKE ME BITTER, that's all (faculty party. - picked crocuses)

1943 11:30 OF COURSE, IT RAINED BECAUSE IT WAS Monday... Mrs Stote + I enjoyed being alone - Out this morning did okay... PEG + I WROTE TO OUR LOVES; WE ATE RY CRISP.

APRIL 18

1939 10:40 I really accomplished very little today - But I enjoy doing nothing, I guess. J.S. committee meeting - I've got to start clicking on that. Wyman + I haggled - but not seriously.  - Ray came after me out to school this aft. We rode around a while. - When he brought me home - he took advantage of the fact that no-one was home - tsk tsk!

1940 11:00 - Men are rats... I went on a picnic with the gals tonight... because I wasn't home the 2nd time Bill called, he didn't call again - oh well, oh hell, tout passe. -

1941 (19) THERE IS SO MUCH PRETENDING. I SHOULD KNOW... BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE TO, TO SOME EXTENT... LEONARD CALLED AGAIN + HAD TO TAKE IT WITH BOB. IF HE REALLY WANTS ME, HE'LL KEEP IT UP I HOPE HE ISN'T PRETENDING!

1942 Sat OH FRUSTRATION... I'd been preparing myself all day for not having a date, but still couldn't help being miserable. Cut out plaid.

1943 SUN OH IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING And it was quite a beautiful day. I wrote to Eleanor + Clara. Ate a nice dinner at Childs (Nat came with me) I walked down to Evelyn Nilsens' - where I was fed gingerbread and 5 cups of coffee! Didn't go to Carnegie! - Peg + I talked

APRIL 17

1939 11:20 Dog houses are really nice places - so I've found - Ray didn't think there was anything to do but go to a "cinema" - so I said "yes" - Mother + Dad said "no" - I went (I had already accepted!) I was surprised I had a good time... But after all, I should make up my own mind at 20!

1940 11:45 - I stayed home until my 3 o'clock class (- as usual didn't allow enough time to get ready) - It was 3:30 when I got these - Cr. Writing Clara + I had one of our conversational orgies

1941 (18) Oh DAMN! - ALL I HAVE TO DO IS COME HOME + IT RAINS - HELL - MARG + KENNY TOOK ME FOR A RIDE. DENNIS DID NOT CALL; DAMN THE IRISH, ANY HOW!

1942 Fri - Went to the play - It was really swell. - good transitions * Leonard is practically ill - Peg + D.J. + I coked at the barrell. We discussed marriage in the Art Room

1943 SAT FELT awful TODAY, UNTIL HERMAN CALLED TONIGHT, APOLOGIZED ABOUT LAST NIGHT. MY LONESOME, VERY BLUE, PERSPECTIVE SHIFTED QUICKLY; WENT TO AN EDITORS' MEETING THIS MORNING. (I LIKE HERR HAIRE)... SLEPT FITFULLY THIS AFT. NEVER SEEM TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING ON SATIDY'S

APRIL 16

1939 11:35 Sunday - Eleanor had company tonight - we worked all day getting ready - Ray came over when he got through work. We ate in the kitchen by candle light off of the blue table cloth - we helped Ed + Eleanor Rosalind + Ward to take pictures. It was fun.

1940 Tues. - Bought some new saddles, finally. Went to 39 Steps by myself just because I wanted to. Wrote to Eleanor - She called Sunday - I hope she isn't lonely

1941 Would have gotten another new pair except for that darn faculty meeting... I was simply vague all day - I could not have had more than 3 hours sleep last night. I stewed around all day. I still think I did the right thing.

1942 Thurs Did make-up for M of Venice - didn't see it tho! Walked home w/ Peg + Wilber. Bob H. + Leonard hitch-hiked to Brookings - tsk -

1943 FRI OH GOD, ANOTHER CRISIS. HERMAN CAN SEE NOTHING BUT BITTER FUTILITY IN KEEPING THIS UP AND I AGREED WITH HIM. A TERRIBLE WAY TO END THIS; I DON'T SEE why HE HAS TO THINK HE'S IN LOVE WITH ME... COMPLICATED... WE SAW Oklahoma EXQUISITE! ATE cheese SANDWICHES, BEER; I TALKED ABOUT LEONARD...

APRIL 15

1939 Sat Worked till noon bought some sandals + met Eleanor who also bought a pr of " - (hers were $8.75!) got ready the rest of the aft... I was still slightly dour when I got ready - H. + my formal swell - We were an hour late! - My speech went off okay - We went to the show

1940 Mon Well Bill sent me 2 pr of hose. - I felt a little silly, I think... I've practically had the flu all day... Printers! ... Kraushaus's funeral was today... Marguerite came over... too much talk... I'm going to fore go it from now on.

1941 3:00 MiGod! - Here we go again. I had to tell Tommy it would be better if I didn't see him anymore... It was terribly hard to do because he was so damn swell to me... But he is really a heller... Danced with Freddie. Not even a THROB.

1942 Wed That was some Limbo we were in. - I felt strangely detached until you reassured me I held an exclusive place in your existence - Did you notice?

1943 THURS FELT QUITE AWFUL TODAY... MY NOSE runs EXCESSIVELY: MY OUT-LOOK IS BLEARY, VERY. GOT SOME PHOTOS FOR THE Mag, THOUGH... CAME HOME + AM TO BED... PHILIP IS GONE TO Moose Creek, ALASKA, WISH ELEANOR WOULD COME HERE... BUT THAT'S A PROBLEM

APRIL 14

1939 11:50 Well, chum, we haven't written a speech yet... I hope I think of something... I went to Shakespeare + wrote last week's + this week's tests - Julius Caesar and H.V. - worked from one to 5:00 - I got paid today. - $7.20! - Looked all over for some sandals - no go - Ray called up twice - He brought me home from out at school.

1940 Sunday - We worked up at school this aft... Bill came out... Leonard + Emil came over... Bill + I went out to Lake Alvin - rising half moon - portable radio - blanket - hillside... Everything but the Elements added up to Romance! Although he certainly has what it takes.

I ruined Leonard's "hose". Bill promised to buy me another pair.

1941 Well AGAIN we fill in Chicago in retrospect... back in reality again, today. Not-so-terribly harsh reality... (Damn! - Tom Halton called down at the Pantry this noon! - Damn me for saying yes!) Called Mother tonight... Washed hair, clothes + finally! - me -

1942 Tues Bob Gable brought me home. I was supposed to do some painting, but class lasted too long. - Emil is disconcerting - 

1943 Wed a mere line from Leonard - but satisfying... A long letter from Don in New Guinea. Felt awful all most all today Typed up A+S report... Felt Better tonight. Mickey + I went to a foolish movie. Pegs bathing.

APRIL 13

1939 11:10 Ran all the way out to school for an 8 o'clock class we didn't have! - Mother cut out my formal - today - I have to give a speech at the banquet! - Egad! - Ray + I went for a ride...

1940 Sat 2:30 - I better concentrate on Leonard or someone else pretty hard... Bill is too darn persuasive. He certainly messes up my little routine of things! (It was Bill's Birthday)

1941 Easter in Chicago again... Boul Mich - only sunny + beautiful, this time. The sermon was wonderful... Church impressive... stain glass - Ginny + Dotty ate dinner with us - (blah) at Jaques' - Dubbonet cocktail - Wow - Home on this forlorn train -

1942 Mon - We're starting oils in techniques class. Gee, wish I knew more about it! Went to fashion show. Backed the "Baby"... D.J. + I went bike riding - ha. Helped w/ Payne Post

1943 Tues Gee, I feel awful. Went over to Brooklyn - A+S. 200 luncheon this noon of B. Paper Editor. Had to leave during the speech. Pressed clothes tonight ate an orange, read some book

APRIL 12

1939 12:10 - Felt awful today - Struggled out to class - my head ached from the fine print of Henry Vth, - worked this aft. - Went to creative writing. - bought material (8 1/2 yds) for formal. Ray brought me home - I guess I'm going with him to the banquet

1940 I certainly hope tomorrow is forthcoming with a little pressure! Wow - I must be slipping - Everything seems so hard + so muddled up! -

1941 Sat. We went out to Karl's + Dorothy's tonight. The Baby is darling... Lovely dinner - Ride out on the El - Thank God, I'm not a commuter! - Saw Life with Father this aft... Art Institute this morning... Listened to a cute little frenchman lecture - fun.

1942 11:10 I'll have to wait until morning to find out if Anyone called while Donna + Bill + I were out riding, eating popcorn. D.J. was bothered by Leonard's remark that she should "Date Dick more often" - Darn him for that anyhow... Whipped myself together today

1943 Mon Oh I revolt me, I'm a stinker what I need is a shot of extrovertism! - But fast. It rained depressingly (me w/ m' new shoes!) Peg + I ate in the Auto-mat.

APRIL 11

1939 12:50 - I got up with Marie and ate breakfast - went back to bed until 12 - wrote my column went out to school. Peggy, Nessa + I pleasantly wasted the aft. - Ray was over tonight - I guess I'm getting my experience all right!

1940 Thurs 12:00 - Bill still says he's very much in love... I still don't believe it. We drove up to Laverne tonight... I hope to be through with copy, etc., by Sat.

1941 Fri We just got back from My Sister Eileen... which was really priceless. We had dinner at home... fun... the 2 of us... wore my feet off this morning in Field's - bought nothing... Had lunch at Henri's

1942 12:55 Shirley asked me this morning to come to the banquet. I'm glad I'd had my mind made up beforehand not to go - I think I decided the right way (for a change). Chils + I went to a show

Leonard et al came in Choc. Shop

1943 WE TOOK Bob TO THE TRAIN; I WONDER when I'LL SEE HIM AGAIN. PEG'S MARVELOUS - AND CONFIDANT. Bob + I WENT TO GREEK ORTHODOX CHURCH. WE 3 HAD DINNER AT THE GOLD RAIL; I WROTE Leonard THIS AFT - NAPPED INTERMITTENTLY. WE ATE. TALKED. THAT'S ALL.

APRIL 10

1939 2:45 - Worked all day. - 8:00 till 5:00 - Got home about 5:30 - Started getting ready washed out clothes, took a bath + stuff Joyful anticipation - But swell fun. - Marie is sleeping with me... She + Mick. I wish I knew exactly what Ray thinks of me.

1940 Wed... Krause thinks my copy is swell... I'm really pretty glad... proofread it after creative writing - I'm rather mad - Spence asked me to J. S. Blah

1941 Thurs I don't believe it, but here I am in Chicago... Eleanor looks so sweet... new Dobbs hat - bl. Suit... Sari + I had fun acting silly on the train... We were a little scared, though, I guess - Hamburgers at O'Conell's

1942 Friday 12:00 I suppose I should have kept out of this J.S. banquet; let them stir around by themselves - but golly... Worked all day on it. Tonight, too. I'm dead. Hope I last through tomorrow.

1943 SAT I'M LONESOME. NOT MUCH POINT TO ANYTHING. WISH THIS INTERVAL WERE OVER. GLAD WHEN I WON'T HAVE TO WORK ON SATIDY MORNINGS. SLEPT SOME THIS AFT. WASHED ME UP TONIGHT SPIC + SPAN. BOB + PEG WENT TO A DANCE AT THE Ritz! 

A MAN GAVE ME daisies.

I HAVE A SORE THROAT. I'M A MESS.

APRIL 9

1939 10:30 Easter - got up + went to church, Ray + I drove down to Canter's to see a train wreck (the aftermath, rather) I'm sure I was very dull... We're going to the dance tomorrow... He was going to call me when he got through work at 8:30 + didn't... I sat out on the front step all by myself + felt so lonely

1940 Tues Fooey - I didn't do anything all day... I was so infuriated with myself - I declare I'll reform ! ! ! 

1941 RAIN AGAIN... MOTHER + I went down town met Sam for lunch... out to school - deserted. Ray Seely + I got aquainted again! - Dinner at Eide's. Leonard called! Damn

1942 Thurs I should have insisted on coming home, darn it, but didn't, as usual. I've got to be more decisive... D.J. D. Hirsch + Leonard + I... Today was a heller - after I nearly had a nervous breakdown, the booth got done.

1943 FRI 3:00 HOW CAN Herman EXPECT SO MUCH WHEN HE KNOWS I DON'T reciprocate?... IF HE KEEPS THIS UP I'LL HAVE TO TAKE STEPS... WE SAW Paul Mare IN COUNSELOR AT LAW. FINE. WENT TO NICK'S IN THE VILLAGE - AUTHENTIC Dixieland SAW DRUMMER WHO SAT IN w/ JACK TEAGARDEN. WE ARE GOING TO "Oklahoma" NEXT FRIDAY...

APRIL 8

1939 Sat 1:15 I am very dead and very happy... Worked from 8:00 till 12:00 - Wasted the afternoon hunting for a hat + formal material - got nothing at all! - I washed my hair Ray called in the process. We went to the Cinema - Bob Feeny also called for a date

1940 Mon I was quite bored tonight... Spence took me to C. Ole's, I think I would have had more fun with the gals...

1941 Well, I'm glad that's settled. Any illusions I had about Bill's lunacy as far as I'm concerned are gone. Thank God I sincerely hope I never see him again! - Was down town + out at school all day - Rained!

1942 Wed Leonard read. And well. If the stuff was obscure... I wrote to Mr. Eide Barkley wanted some models (like to do it myself, too - ha) Leonard is sweet

1943 Thurs Quite an exciting day - doing a survey on the Baby Pants Situation... interviewed 4 this morning - After lunch at the "Big Top" at McClery's - went over to Rand Rubber in Brooklyn - hope I got the stuff straight I went to a Town Hall recital... Got my shoes! - Home ok

APRIL 7

1939 12:15 - Worked from 8:00 till 5:00 today. Wasn't a bit bad. Bill + Co were over for dinner they just bought a V8 34. - Ray called tonight, but I had already promised to play bridge over to Jamie's - which was just as well... He's going to call tomorrow. - Peggy + Ferry were home from School - Welsh Rarebit + chocolate ices

1940 Sun. Why must everything I do seem to be such a struggle? - Time seems so precious and so non-existent... Bill didn't even call this evening; just as well I suppose

1941 Mother + I stayed home today - fussed around getting clothes cleaned, etc. - It rained steadily all day - Bill called - Mother wouldn't let me go out with him. Going Wed.

1942 12:10 Had Mathis, Farley, R. Nelson over for dinner. (Eminently successful) hope softens Christine's heart, now. R.H.# came over ostensibly for a French Dictionary

1943 11 - Herman liked his copy of the Human Comedy... he walked me back to work + kissed me g'bye! Was out this morning; got my I.Miller shoes. Went in and seduced the Salesman in person!

2 wild letters from Leonard I love

APRIL 6

1939 10:50 - It was Ray's birthday today - I got up about 8:00 - cleaned house + washed clothes. 2:15 - Ray, Mick + I went out shooting. - " must be doing his celebrating by himself! But that's his affair.

1940 Sat 3:00 Well, worked all day made a small dent in that copy... Took Bob out tonight 6 of us + Jennifer went to movie + had a midnight picnic Leonard is more attractive than I'll admit.

1941 Sun. Damn you, Payne... For more than a year I've been waiting for you to call me up on your own - + then after choir concert, you have to bring Bob in on it! - I always want what I can't have

1942 (It was... I spose I should have said where I was, I didn't) - Floated around all day - still HAPPY. - we went out to the airport + met Emil on 8:30 plane fun. He upsets me, though - 

1943 Tues Mickey + I went to Streets of London tonight... I wasn't so tired today, but I shook before dinner tonight. I guess we ought to sleep more. Wrote incoherently to Leonard.

APRIL 5

1939 11:10 - I worked from 8 to 10:00 - and from 1:30 to 5:30 - seemed awfully long - I've caught on to the work pretty well, though + it won't be bad. - Tomorrow is Ray's birthday - I wish there were something I could do. We went for a ride after he got out of work - and read funny papers at the "Anchor" Mrs. Fleeny + Bob were over for dinner.

1940 And Tomorrow + Tomorrow ! - Will that copy ever get done? - Clara found out Bill was in the hospital for 3 days this wk. No wonder I had the flu - Bob, Clara + I went swimming

1941 Went to the dance with Hunk. -- Enjoyed myself, though. (The big hulk) Was out at school most of day. Mr. Eide has a $1200 fellowship to Yale for next yr!

1942 11:15 Hope that was you who called... (Think it was) while D.J. + I were out riding. Got up + went to 8 o'clock church... We had Bill + Olga for breakfast... Went to Fleets in - I read more Saroyan - good!... Folks had company for supper...

1943 Mon Heard from Leonard who's okay + Eleanor who's been ill... Went to a couple mfg's show rooms with Mrs. Stote... Wish I were as clever as that gel.

APRIL 4

1939 11:30 - I'd better write in here before I drop off - I feel swell right now; but I have spent the day over 6 posters for "Death takes a Holiday" - Ray was working on his term paper for history all day - so I didn't see him at all. - Tomorrow I have to be down at Beache's at 8:00! - 2 classes + work in the afternoon - I'll be thankful for vacation

1940 Thurs. - Jake + Howard took me to a movie... I feel so much better - Mr. Spitznagel introduced me to Mrs. Rubens + Mr. Cole in Bar Omar today. I'd forgotten I hadn't had lunch

1941 Friday - happy day - home at last! Dad was waiting for me - We breezed home in time for dinner. Sara + Marguerite - then Bob + Leonard came over.

1942 2:20 Just about the most perfect time we've had together... We went to the dance. Came home read some of Beautiful People. Perfect Day, too. D.J. gave me a driving lesson. Hope Leonard (+ I) live through next week.

1943 11:30 (Darling, I hope you're thinking of me; I wish this "interim" would pass + we would be together again) Today I did little. And did not care; particularly. Read Saroyan's Human Comedy - could not laugh at it. I loved it. It's raining. I'm clean. Called on Kay Dobs

APRIL 3

1939 10:30 (This can't be love because I feel so swell!) R. came after me this morning... went over to the Anchor for coffee + for a ride I went down town this aft + bought a pair of saddle shoes. Took my knitting down + went down to Beache's I'm going to work M W + F aft + Satur. We went to Faulty Fowlies tonight. Then Mick + Marie went riding with us Marie had to be back at the dorm by 10:00

1940 Wednesday Well, I certainly didn't plan on this - The flu, I mean - Went home Wed aft. with a cold got up with this... Acc. O today

1941 11 - Those damn brats! - I just got told to pull my shades down - for the 2nd time... They certainly keep track of me - Gee, if I can just last through tomorrow Today was absolutely FOUL ---

1942 Friday Lonesome, frustrated. Communion tonight seemed somehow not quite what I'd expected. Folks had Zellhoffer for dinner I washed dishes. Mother + I really tore around cleaning the house today... I'm quite dead

1943 SAT 2:00 I NAUSEATE ME... I SHOULD HAVE stayed HOME TONIGHT, INSTEAD OF LETTING Mickie PERSUADE ME TO GO TO A movie... I DID WASH OUT SOME STUFF, THOUGH (WOULD HAVE DONE MORE IF THE WATER'D BEEN HOT) I TOOK ALL AFTERNOON DOWNTOWN TODAY, damn... AND NOW I HAVEN'T GOT MY SHOES!

APRIL 2

1939 11:00 tsk tsk - smoking in bed! But it is fun. Eleanor + Ed are downstairs. It seems funny to have us both dating. Ray + I went to the show this aft. what a swell fellow he is! - I guess I'm getting pretty sloppy - I even like to hold hands in the movies! Saw Nessa

1940 Tuesday - I couldn't do a thing today... I don't know if it was appalling amt of work or the fact that my cold was bothering badly, at any rate, I quit + came home... Took a bath went to bed... I asked Howard for Wed. night... Wyman for Saturday + he was floored... so was I when he said he was going to be in Lennox.

1941 11:15 FEEL - AS KITTY FOYLE SO APTLY PUTS IT - A TRIFLE BITCHY... [REMIND ME NOT TO ADOPT THAT PHRASE] - BUT I DID WRITE SOME LETTERS... SUFFERED FROM A RELAPSE ALL DAY... MY ELBOW HURTS LIKE HELL EVERY TIME IT TOUCHES ANYTHING. I CAN SPEND $45 next wk.

1942 Finished BUDDENBROOKS - depressingly vivid Real - Gee, that Mann can write! I was mad at Leonard... Bob Haakinson came over + we had a perfectly swell walk all over - eating popcorn - went over to D.J's Moon

1943 FRI MRS. DAHL + MRS. STOTE ACTUALLY raised THEIR VOICES AT ONE ANOTHER THIS MORNING. I WAS ACUTELY UNCOMFORTABLE. HAD LUNCH WITH 2 VERY IMPORTANT, VERY dull MEN - MRS. S INSISTED I GO + I Really DIDN'T WANT TO! WE WORKED UNTIL LATE... I MET Herman AT 6:30, WE HAD DINNER AND WENT TO THE EXQUISITE PETROUSHKA, PAS EN QUATRE, ETC. Ballet Russe

APRIL 1

1939 11:30 - Got home about 8:15, I suppose I could have had a "Reverse Date", but don't think I would have been up to it! Slept till 10:30 this morning. Went down to the coffee shop for breakfast - then out to the college - June + Clara won the women's debates 6-0. We ate dinner at the Harbor - I wore my b-green suit. Came home at 2:30 - I'm glad

1940 ha, the more I think about it, the surer I am Bill was lying in his teeth... Oh well. - Donna + I took B + Leonard to a Philo reverse date party tonight... I had quite fun. Leonard was on good behavior. I hope we can have a picnic with those kids some time. 

1941 Long sigh of relief! - The plays are not only over; but were definitely a success. The sets were good. The kids really made me feel proud of them. All's Fair + He Ain't Done Right by Nell will always stick with me - We sailed right through!  - And this too shall pass away

1942 Wed Gee, I was mad. Wilbur came to the door with me instead of Leonard! - Sometimes I swear he has no sense... It would have been more fun dancing out at Billy's if those kids hadn't a test tomorrow.

1943 11:15 I WISH I COULD GET OVER THIS tenseness. THROWS ME OFF ALL THE WAY AROUND; I INTERVIEWED MISS Fisher AT GIMBELS' - Mr. NICOLAS at LORD + TAYLOR BOTH SWELL TO ME... MET HERMAN FOR lunch AT THE CROSSROADS - NICE. DINNER DATE tomorrow... BALLET. WAITED FOR A HALF HR. FOR Peg - WE ATE AT THE Olde Gardens. WOULD HAVE BEEN FUN IF WE HADN'T HAD TO hurry

I was in HERALD TRIBUNE

MARCH 31

1939 I placed 4th - Not bad, not good either... This sort of thing is not for me, I fear. too much strain. Banquet + 6 of us went to the show. On the way out to school, I rode on Wyman's lap, on the way back he sat on mine! 

1940 Sun. Well I'm going to fill in the past several days in retrospect... I've done a lot of living since I last wrote in there... This is Morning + I have a helluva cold - 1st all winter + this is Spring! - Later: Well I don't know whether to blame it on the cold or Bill; but I certainly accomplished nothing today.

MOST MEN ARE RATS!

1941 It's a nice day today, etc. - etc. It's a nice day tomorrow? - Gee, I'll be relieved when it's over - Ngha... Saw Helen Jordon tonight. Beauooootiful - Found card from Mr. Spitznagel when I got back. Damn him why couldn't he have come tomorrow?

1942 Tues Mid Semester grades... harder on me than anyone else - Leonard's in a mess with Mather over his "Preface" - Gee I feel awful about it. Had Rhoda Meyer + Chils over for dinner. -

1943 WED 10:30 - I'M COMPLETELY TIRED. TODAY WAS A VERITABLE Baptism of Fire... GEE, WHAT A MESS. AND IN MY tired CONDITION... MRS. DAHL IS A FIEND TO WORK FOR; BUT SHE'S BEEN SWELL TO ME. WE ATE at THE DRUG STORE - ATE dessert (APPLES, Chocolate COOKIES) AT HOME WROTE TO Leonard! TOOK my Bawth