MAY 11

1939 10:30 snokkered into my 8:00 at 8:15 this morning! Hugo still wants another oration out of me for next year (Kentucky?) But I didn't go to the meeting tonight - stayed home to iron curtains and now - Cymbaline (Ray called)

1940 3:00 Blah... I had a pretty mediocre evening - J.S. - Spence isn't a very thrilling date - even if he is S. class president... Clara hit about right when she said he had about as much S.A. as a cold potato. maybe it was because I felt awful and also because I was thinking about Bill... He called - I was very mean -

1941 12:00 - Well, kid, we're back to the innocuous mediocrity of it all again. - Finally got started on final test... Blah... We all had dinner down town - very nice (gee, I'm hungry, now) - Mother looked so pretty. Hope Wilmer can go to Chicago once more. 

1942 3:00 Darling, this was marvelous... Golly, I actually got to go to the dance, after all! Just being with Leonard reassures me terrifically! Maybe he's losing some of that undue respect for me. I hope so.

1943 TUES Was over to Lois's during the blackout. Smoked cigarettes, talked, drank milk, ate cake in the inter-rim. She's a honey. Wore my slacks over; ate dinner with Mickey. It was a wet, grey day. Why doesn't it SHINE?

MAY 10

1939 Wed 11:15 Walked 2 miles in 15 minutes when I made that Shakespeare C. this morning - Ray came over + we listened to "Lights Out" He held Eleanor's hand!

1940 Fri. Finally got a few pages "started" on my book... Went on a steak fry with Jake tonight. He has been surprisingly good... Bill did not call (Why don't I just quit thinking about him? - He was not out tonight I saw a light in his window - )

1941 ? 

1942 11:30 I reiterate Mister Payne, we WASTE time. Damn you - Why didn't ya call tonight? Just went to church w/ Mother + Dad + finished my green suit. Judged Photography Contest. 

1943 MON Herman says Scholastic is offering me the Art Job... I saw him after work today. - He is sweet... I'm really sunburned. Mrs. Stote was in this morning... I wrote to Wilmer + to Leonard today... After sitting on a Central Park bench, came home, wrapped Eleanor's gift... Called Lois C. + Barbara S.

MAY 9

1939 Tues 12:00 Drew pitchurs all morning (cut speech again) Saw Eide + S this aft. - Ray + I went to a moom pitchur tonight

1940 Thurs. I didn't see Leonard any more than just litterly - for a moment... I don't know... Worked today not on Edda - yet... I am very anxious to get on my stuff + get it over with... Bill called tonight - its just as well I was working... I might not have been able to stick by my resolution

1941 ? 

1942 1:00 (Gee, gotta get up + wash m'hair) Batted around down town + wore myself out - Bought another dusty-pink sweater. Got my shoes dyed green. And some makeup for me + m'legs + D.J., Shirley, Collins + I tore around - Tres fun. Saw Leonard.

1943 SUN 1:30 A fine, beautiful day. Got up and ironed clothes, read the N.Y. Times, took an extensive sunbath on our roof. Ushered at the tea, wore my grey dress in Herman came at 5:00 We sat by the river. Went to dinner at the Gold Rose. Went a double Feature

MAY 8

1939 10:45 Mon. Why must there be Mondays?Payed another $10 on my tuition still gobs left to pay. Ray called - 

1940 11:30 Wed. - I had lunch with Jean V. - She has let go something I didn't expect to hear - She is such It means a lot. I know now I can quit Bill - he means absolutely nothing to me.

1941 Thurs. another one of the same. All I care about is sleep. Must be an escape complex! Finally heard from Eleanor + got a card from Bob. He + Emil + Leonard maybe will be in Minneapolis - Just my luck

1942 Layout on campus all afternoon with Shirley - got slightly sunburned. D.J. + I mailed a letter (wrote to E) Gee, another week-end coming up -

1943 SAT Why oh why did I eat all that stuff? Ahh. Donna's birthday party at Barnard. I felt a little "older" - and was but enjoyed it... Knocked myself out shopping this afternoon. Gloves, blouse, dress, stationary, gift for Eleanor. Came home + washed all my clothes and my hair too. Ain't I a good girl?

MAY 7

1939 Sun 11:15 We had to work from 8 - 12:00 today rush job. I laid out in the sun from 12 - 1:00 - Played tennis this aft. Told Ray not to call this eve + then couldn't accomplish anything

1940 May 5 Sunday I had the day to myself to straighten myself up in general... Folks went to Sioux City - Bill did not call. It is damn lucky I'd made up my mind not to go with him if he did call) - Mother bought some furniture for my room yesterday - dated Jake.

1941 Existed

1942 12:20 (Hope you felt a little frustrated darling. I didn't very much) - D.J. + I went out + looked at the planes - big, olive drab bomber) Assimilated Emil, then R.H. # Wilber + Leonard - batted around - tired

1943 FRI Met Herman for dinner. We went to Toffenetti's for scallops... Then to Mission to Moscow... An excellent film... Then for a climax, a proposal. To which I could not accept and he knew it! - We talked + talked though. For the better, I think.

MAY 6

1939 1:30 Sat. Worked all day. Home. Washed hair - clothes - Tonight I saw "Union Pacific" with Ray. It rained - lovely Spring rain.

1940 Mon - Worked - had my picture taken for J.S. - ushered at Civic Music Concert. - A barytone who sang one Russian Cafe song that nearly tore my heart out.

1941 Existed.

1942 ? If I saw you often enough, maybe I'd get over you - then again maybe I wouldn't! - (Shirley read in Creative Writing tonight... She's a sweet kid, but she idolizes me too much) We went out to Billy's + danced - fun fun.

1943 THURS Had dinner with Lois + Sully at Klahe's... We had highballs first at the apartment... tsk tsk. Lois looks wonderful. She's swell. I took copy over to Mrs. Stote's... she is pale + wan. I adore her apartment. Walked over to Lois' after work... Fun today

MAY 5

1939 11:45 Marguerite's birthday We ate supper aver at Vercoe's - and talked - I certainly know a bunch of grand gals

1940 May 7 Tues - Worked 10 hrs. today. - Bill did not call - he is probably giving me ample time to regret my saying that I was not in love w/ him

1941 Academic tests. One time I was glad I wasn't a student Blanche was irked... ha... so was I... tonight we made nutcups!

1942 11:00 Gee, I hate to have Mother out so late - + working. It's cold + wet. Like to see the sun again. Leonard's going to petition to write that paper. (I'm glad) I've been reading Thomas Mann's Stories of a decade Clarifying + Confusing at once

1943 11:45 La de dah... Maybe we'll be living in an apartment by June. Gladys has a line on one. Gee I hope it works out. Met Herman for lunch. He was overwhelmed by my little ol' note... A little too much so. I meet him Friday... Mickey + I had soup tonight. Ate Good Humors. Blackout -

MAY 4

1939 11:40 Thurs. all the time I feel under a certain amt. of strain. - Mr. S. likes the stuff I've done/ But I'm going to have one helluva time getting those caricatures all in line! - 17 of the girls at school were on a picnic it was messy + loud + fairly fun

1940 2:00 Capitulate - B.C. I absolutely can't figure him out - I'm sure it's mutual. Evidently talking about it just makes matters worse. We went out to the airport + then to Elks' Club fun to a lousy beginning. Worked. Bought a new hat. (coconut straw) Ate lunch at F's + missed E.

1941 Dennis has ruined another perfectly good wk-end for me. I'm afraid this is just another case of Payneful suspense. Why is it I always want - in the worst way - the things I can't have. Allan had to use shovel again

1942 11:30 And Mother isn't home yet! And she has to Judge at Election tomorrow! Didn't touch very solid ground all day... D.J. + Clara + I went out tonight for a quick coke. Wish it'd quit raining *

1943 11:00 I don't really have any right to be at all nervous or tired - (I'm not now as much as I was) - A not tough day at all, rilly... But stayed till almost 6:00 again. Got a display story at Bloomingdales. Met Mr. Richmond... Gave + gave... sweet card from Herman. Glad he wrote it... going to bed!

MAY 3

1939 10:55 I am tired + dirty + feel dissatisfied with everything - I skipped creative writing to work on caricatures - Ray brought me home + I  ------- ! ! He felt swell

1940 11:00 I didn't go to work all day - Spent it cleaning up ad section which was literally a mess. I hope I wasn't too hard on Ross - But he's had 2 wks - Clara is so good to me.

1941 Anyhow, I went swimming today. PERFECT. Cold, tingly. 15 days of teaching school left. Had a date with Henry tonight. Never again.

1942 Sunday 3:00 Sara was home - she looked so smooth. After literally tearing me to pieces of disappointment + frustration, Leonard called - I felt shy + unnatural - for a while. Betty Boe was not included in our lengthy conversation.

1943 10:00 FINALLY A LETTER FROM DEAR Leonard... HE'S WRITTEN BOB + PEG ABOUT US - LIKE TO KNOW what HAD A RATHER DESULTORY DAY... WROTE TO MOTHER THIS MORNING, MRS. STOTE WAS ill... WE PUT THE BOOK TOGETHER LATE THIS AFT. - TILL six, IN FACT. MICKEY + I ATE UP TO THE SANDWICH SHOP. WELL... I'VE WRAPPED PEG'S PACKAGES. MUST GET TO BED early

MAY 2

1939 12:05 Tonight I saw John Barrymore - it was a thrill, all right. The stage seems more glamorous than ever - Ray was pretty tired. He averages 5 hrs a day work + with school, too. It is quite demanding. However, he managed to waste this aft. w/ me.

1940 Thurs. Bill is beginning to want a little more reassurance! He protested that he has committed himself so far + that I haven't said anything. I don't intend to. (I made him go to the Civic Theater play - I worked 7 hrs. today)

1941 What was that? (May 1 1941) tsk, what resolution, woman! Well, it did relieve the monotony, and it did do my morale good. (+ he did have to argue me into it 2 hrs.) + the wild western was fun... Washed hair, clothes, took a bath. I'm ready to work T. (dammit!)

1942 1:00 - Hell, again Sat night sans date gets me down, I'm afraid - I don't look forward to tomorrow. Thomas Mann to keep me company. D.J. + I went to a show.

1943 12:30 I think I enjoyed today very much. We went out to Mt. Vernon to see his sister - Margie liked me (I was actually nervous about the child's approval). We took a long walk about the suburb. - Well kempt. A little stuffy maybe. We didn't mention Peggy.

MAY 1

1939 10:35 If I can only get 8 good hours of sleep in! - I am cross + very stiff + tired - I wanted to get started on my caricatures but I had a lot of ironing to do tonight. Ray worked tonight so he could be off tomorrow night.

1940 Wed. - New complications. Jake is remorseful + wants to take me to the show Sunday. I refused about 3 times. I don't know - I guess I'll go. - Worked today for 5 hrs

1941 When nothing better presents itself, there's always the h.s. boys. Bob + Harley took me for a ride as I was coming home from school. Earlier Allan + I ran into Blanche w/ them! " could be easy taking. But not for me (Stick to that chum!)

1942 11:45 I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU SPOIL A perfectly GOOD WKEND FOR ME, Mister PAYNE... JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AT A PARTY WITH BETTY BOE (damn her) TONIGHT. OH NO... THIS IS THE PART WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE TOLERANT + FAINTLY AMUSED. (I'm NOT...)

1943 SAT 1:30 WELL, WE GOT PEGGY OFF okay... I HOPE SHE MAKES IT BACK TO SOUTH DAKOTA... I BOUGHT HER A WHITE BATISTE NIGHTGOWN (AND one FOR ME) AND A BLACK HAT FOR A BUCK... WAITED FOR over AN HOUR FOR PEG + DONNA at THE GARDEN. WAS WORRIED SICK... PEG LEFT AT 4:30; DONNA AND I WALKED DOWN 5TH Ave... MICKEY and I MOVED FURNITURE, CLEANED, WASHED WOODWORK, windows AND CELEBRATED WITH WAFFLES. WASHED my Hair.

APRIL 30

1939 11:40 Sunday Felt tired when I woke up. Lay out in the b. yard most of the morn - Ray + I played tennis this aft. I'm a little sunburned - Sara and Marguerite + Nessa dropped in - So did Ray half an hr. afterward. He took us all for a ride bought ice cream cones - He is too good I told him he spoiled last night for me. I hope he doesn't think I'm serious! ! 

1940 Tues. Well Je suis fini! And what a drag - Every thought I had of placing in the P de P was non existent when that M.S. went in today. It was corny. I refused a date w/ Bill.

1941 Gee what a maybasket. Lorraine and Alberta, a great big one. Lotta pink in it. I've practically decided to go to Plymouth. Don't know if I'm doing right or not.

1942 Went to Skylark with Chils + Ruth Olam... Quite dull... Bill Blake had a very close parallel in the personnel of the Augustana Art Department. -

1943 FRI [OH GOLLY, PEG - YOU ALMOST SPOILED THE evening. HOW COULD YOU?]... AND I HAD TO WAIT THIS NOON AT MCCREERY'S FOR YOU SO LONG, TOO. THIS NOON... WE MET HERMAN AT 6:15, WENT TO DINNER AT Roger's, THEN TO KISS and TELL (WHICH WAS DARLING)... AND TO Cafe Society Downtown - RUM COLLINSES, BOOGIE WOOGIE; AND HOME IN A TAXI - I SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT IT COST.

APRIL 29

1939 2:50 Sat About all I can feel is a deep sense of relief - Responsibilities get me down. I'm so glad it's over - Spence was a very nice date - There is no one in the J.S. class I would rather have gone with - But I kept thinking of some-one else all the time

1940 Mon Worked till 12:00 I've never struggled so much over something that's really so simple - If I were only done!

1941 Have I a sense of values, or have I not? Days like today make me wonder. I don't seem to care about things. I'm mixed up. Hope I snap out of this.

1942 12:30 We had our drawing class picnic today + it was a def. success. Choir left about 3; so did we drew animals. I did all the  work of arranging (nev. again) came back to creative writing... Hypnotic session in the Art Room

1943 11:00 PEG IS IN THE THROES of GETTING READY AND PACKED - A JOB. MRS. STOTE TOOK ME TO THE Fashion Group LUNCHEON TODAY! - MANY THE BIG WIG, THERE... SHERRY FIRST, + GOOD food. STUFFY, VICTORIAN HOTEL - FUNNY PLACE... I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM Leonard THIS WEEK!

APRIL 28

1939 11:30 - Dad + Mother brought me out to school and I worked on place-cards + decorations. Ray waited for me after he got through work. He is so perfectly swell to me. He told me to have a good time tomorrow night!

1940 Sun 1:00 - Well, I quit! - I really intended to get done tonight - But after a half hour ride with Bill - what's the use?

1941 Some much needed inspiration - Foley + Yolande. - suave. Gee, what a tango. Today came the P. appointment I feel I really should go. (June 23) - And might as well begin planning for it!

1942 10:30 [Hell, such a moon - outside the air is heavy with plum blossoms - and we have so little time...] Caricatures were all over the place this A.M. - Shirley + I added our bit... Washed clothes. Heard Pres.

1943 WED I AM NERVOUS and DISGRUNTLED - FOR NO GOOD REASON. EVERYTHING SEEMS TO irritate ME! [I EVEN BOUGHT A PACKAGE of CIGARETTES] WROTE HOME, AND TO D.J.... MAYBE SHE WILL COME TO NEW YORK RODE DOWN 5TH AVE BUS STOP. SAW GOOD HOUSEKEEPING NURSERY EXHIBIT + ST. THOMAS

APRIL 27

1939 11:10 Tonight Mr. Spitznagel called me for a job - There is a chance for me to let go on some wall panels (caricatures of movie stars) at an Ice Cream Bar next to the Hollywood I hope this is one dream that doesn't fall through I'm so excited about it. Mrs. S. came out to school + as luck would have it - I was working on J.S. stuff the same sort of thing he wants! Ray brought me home We are going to J. Barrymore the 2nd

1940 Sat 1:15 Bill was awfully sweet to me tonight. I am beginning to think he is really sincere. He kids, but at the same time he means it. We went to Rebecca + window shopped (engagement rings, double beds!) - Tomorrow the last lap on the P de P

1941 FRUSTRATION, I guess that's the word for it. The night is perfect - for a picnic. And here I am - ready for bed. Dennis Lennihow, anyhow. It's all his fault. I was already to be monastic (is that the word?) And then he had to come along!

1942 11:00 BABE, you were certainly dopey today... how do you explain it? - (Maybe it's that I feel affectionate when I'm sleepy) - Leonard upset me completely this aft - or he would have but I evaded him. (hypocritical?) - over to All Saints - FOO

1943 TUES 11:30 A BUSY DAY - I LIKE 'EM LIKE THAT! - DID ILLUSTRATIONS FOR BABY SHOES... FUN... ADA and I ATE LUNCH - AND POPSICLES IN THE Park... PEG SEWED A SKIRT, I MENDED, BAWTHED... HAD A SWEET LETTER FROM Mother.

APRIL 26

1939 11:25 We heard the choir tonight. It was flawless. Mimi broke her ankle after her recital last night. Ray + Phil + Whitie + I went over to the anchor afterward - "Things" are a lot better

1940 12 What a day what a day - Clara + I did Gladys + Mabel for Student Body + over the air. I soived a luncheon for Mother - Saw Bill at the Garage Clara + I worked till 11:30 tonight. " missed a shower.

1941 It was a bootiful day, except it didn't end right. Dennis picked us up after we came out of the Pantry. (in slacks + eating ice cream cones. I could tell he had a date; because he said he would call if he got done w/ some reports. I was stupid. Should have been SWEET. - 

1942 12:45 (now, instead of so boisterous) We wenona picnic - It rained intermittently during the evening. Wrote letters today. Saw Helen Lindseth. We still have nothing in Common -

1943 Mon 1:00 Felt quite extroverted today. Rather a quiet afternoon... Ate with Eleanor Vatcher at the Garden... Peg went to New Jersey so I ate with Mickey at the Gold Rail. Went to nasty Little Foxes - ate an ice cream cone -

APRIL 25

1939 11:30 I'm rather upset. I can't can't tell whether I'm being sincere or just cheap -

1940 Bill came over + we went for a walk; he asked me if I thought I could ever be happy without knowing impt people and living on "enough" - ! ! ? ? - We bought penny candy -

1941 Well the tuition party is over, thank goodness! And it's FRIDAY... (Hope I don't waste tomorrow just waiting for Dennis to call)

1942 Sat 2:00 Just got a "special" from Virginia + read it in bed. She's swell. It was sweet of Wilber to take me out tonight. Saw King's Raw w/ D.J. this aft. we met Legend on the street!

1943 Sun 1:10 Peggy + I went to Presbyterian Church this morning, came back for breakfast, I dissipated the afternoon walking by the river, talking to Midshipmen. We went to Flight for Freedom. It's Balmy out. We got ice cream + finished up the cookies

APRIL 24

1939 11:15 I even felt slightly awful when I woke up this morning. But I felt better as the day wore on... Paid $10 of my own money out at the collitch this morning - Ray brought me home this noon + explained why he didn't call - He waited for me out at school to-night + I had gone home w/ Margaret - He called tonight there was a dust-storm. Now it rains

1940 Well - I'm dead - Clara + I had our usual post mortem after class - I don't think I'll discuss Bill with her anymore - to such length, I mean -

1941 Thurs. Not so bad - (But I have tomorrow to live through) Even I kept on top of that 7th period class. Talked too fast and lost my voice -

1942 FRI 12:00 D.J. + I just had another of our wild experiences. Got caught in a culvert - until we found the emergency break on! - I still don't know about that Tues night; but I do trust Leonard... And if anything did happen it is he who must tell me...

1943 3:45 I SLEPT UNTIL ABOUT 12:00 AFTER DINNER. GOT UP + WASHED MY HAIR + STUFF and FEEL THE BETTER FOR IT! ... Peg + I SAW Traviata THIS AFT, ATE spaghetti at TOFFENETI'S. Finally HEARD FROM DARLING LEONARD.

APRIL 23

1939 10:50 - Sunday evenings are always lonesome. I sat out on the steps and listened to a frog. Ray and I went shooting this afternoon. It was a perfect - almost summer - day... He was going to call me tonight... I went on a picnic with the girls

1940 4:00 - Well I got something done. 3 "sketches". I've been writing since one - I hope they are worth reading. Bill called tonight...

1941 Another burner, only worse. I feared for my sanity, even. But now I'm okay. Funny what a warm bath + a meal will do for your morale.

1942 Thurs 10:00! - I'm in bed + damn glad of it. Feel woozy + sneezy - hope I'm not getting Leonard's cold... Didn't see him all day - It was still windy + warm. Lee is ill. No banquet date!

1943 1:20 HERMAN TOOK ME TO DINNER; WE SAW THE PRESS Photographer EXHIBIT AT R.C.A. building... WENT TO THE HUMAN COMEDY - SO VERY VERY FINE. I CRIED, OF COURSE. MRS. STOTE BOUGHT ME A PR of WHITE GLOVES - MOTHER SENT A CARD + HANKY. I'M SO GLAD I SENT THE candy HOME.

APRIL 22

1939 12:45 Sat gr-r-r - I had to work all day. - and I made a mistake every 5 minutes. Glenn said (when he had to shoot some stuff over for me that he'd do anything for the "little blonde" - so Georgia told me!) - "little" - I love that - Too bad he's engaged I really intended to relax this evening, but played bridge at Marguerite's - I haven't been seeing nearly enough of the girls - Ray called right after M. - I was rather glad to have an excuse - no that I didn't want to see him - But mustn't so often

1940 I can barely manage to write about today - I have never been in quite such an emotional mess in my life - Last night's set to with Dad + then Jake + Mick this morning. Mr. Eide + Leonard + Mother helped.

1941 oh, that this hellish week were over - just got done recording grades - a farce. And such a lot of labor.

1942 Wed 12:30 oh sweet night - B.Boe hung around the art dept all day. She actually came to Creative Writing, too! - But Leonard the darling asked me out. We - + Bill + Shirley went out to Billy's. I'm reassured.

1943 12:30 GOT THE so beautiful PICTURES OF Leonard. I BURST INTO TEARS UNEXPECTEDLY WHEN I SAW HIM LOOKING LIKE HE THOUGHT OF ME... Gee, THEY ARE good. I'D FORGOTTEN HOW FINE HE IS, almost. I GOT A STORY ON BABY PANTS; A COUPLE SKETCHES. WE ATE AT HOTEL Madison THIS NOON; DONNA CAME OVER Mickey AND I LOOKED FOR Rooms.