MAY 19

1939 Friday 11:00 - Sara and I went to Marion Evanson's piano recital - The only thing I liked was Ravel - I feel bad

1940 Sun Played tennis all morning with Donna Jean... She beat me 3 or 4 sets; I finally took one... Spence took me to Abe Lincoln's Illinois tonight... He is really swell - but so damn unexciting

1941 11:30 Well I went to the LAST faculty meeting today... I can't say I'm broken up up about it... Maynard brought a snake with him. Long and awful. So I kicked him out. - Hm! 4 days of teaching!

1942 Tues Gee, me sitting on the stage - ha... Wore my green dress, too. I looked a little dignified I hope. I loathe its all being over - 

1943 WED I guess Herman and I had lunch together this noon! We usually do. Churchill spoke. Was out in the Market. Mr. W quite overwhelmed me!

MAY 18

1939 Thurs. 10:35 All this sleep is just too much for me. I am getting a habit. It's beautiful out doors tonight. You can see the lilacs + the dark garden 

1940 Sat. I was really hurt to think that I didn't rate well enough with the Webs to get asked to the society banquet... But I guess I can take it - there's nothing else to do! - helped D.J. pick out a coat - wrote with Clara tonight... Mr. Spitznagel called for a "date" Mon.

1941 12 - Sunday - For a change, I took Reeves' to dinner. - It was hot + windy - Didn't go to church worked on exam went over to school - Blanche, Dorothy + D rumbah-ed + conga-ed - I thought about Leonard. Wrote to Jo. Tom called

1942 Gee, what a wild picnic. Haven't had my hair pulled, my ears bitten so violently for a long time. WWW surprised me. Went to Alumnae Banquet w/ Clara

1943 TUES 11:30 Hell, both Donna + Mickey are deserting me. Donna's going home (as I thought)... Would Lois + Sully consider going in w/ me? today was fairly productive... H. School Boys badgered me; lifted my ego this morning. Luncheon this noon. Started Look Homeward Angel

MAY 17

1939 Wed 10:50 Well, I ground out the rest of my play + then I didn't have to read it! - My back hurts I don't know what's the matter

1940 Fri. - Went out to school... spent the day getting "adjusted" - to what, I don't know. There seems to be no place to begin... Went rollerskating with Jake tonight... Sometimes I almost like him... Yesterday I got my appointment to Plymouth --- ! 

1941 10:00 If I were home, I'd probably be out with Leonard! - What is going to happen there - anything? Tired got nothing done today. Bet I'll have to give up Plymouth!

1942 Sun Gee, Baccalaureate this morning. Granskow was marvelous. Leonard - sparks. Date. - We were both tres fatigue. But still too much alive

1943 MON 12:10 Not bad for a Monday! - I got most of my sketches... wore my red dress + no coat; was quite extroverted... Mrs. Stote says after working on a trade mag I won't have trouble getting a mag job. Hope she's right.... Rode down in Subway with Boo Fleet. Put $50 in the safe tonight.

MAY 16

1939 Tuesday 10:50 I guess I didn't do so very well - but I'm trying... I felt awfully dopey all day... I started "The Rest of the Way" tonight... Ray came over about 10:00 - He hasn't finished his Term paper!

1940 Thurs 12:00 Worked till 7:30 tonight... the production part of the book is really out of my hands now! I'm tired silly - I guess. Marguerite + I discussed our respective love lives over cokes tonight. - Enlightening discussion

1941 1:00 BOB WAS OVER; NO LEONARD... WE GOT DOWN HERE ABOUT 7:30... I GUESS IT WAS WORTH IT; HOWEVER, I WAS DEFINITELY DISAPPOINTED... I SAW JEAN... (HERE WE GO AGAIN) SHE SAID L. HAD BEEN OVER TALKING - WITH HER AGAIN. SHE THINKS HE'S CRAZY -

1942 A pretty lousy day, if I do say so. About the 7th Consecutive wk-end it's rained. Killed myself looking for a blouse for Peggy... 7:30 exam - ugh... Reception tonight. Fellas got back. Did you call while I was gone ? ? ? 

1943 SUN All I did today was read the Times write to Leonard, the family + D.J. (telling her to come to New York)... Ate breakfast enjoyably - with Ruth McCann and dinner (awful) at Child's tonight... Mickey's home + in Love. She says she's going to Symphony

MAY 15

1939 MONDAY 10:35 Thank God, there's always tomorrow. I swear that I am going to get to work + stay that way till I have all the junk that is hanging over my head cleaned up. - today I wasted completely. I am so disgusted with myself - Ray should have written his term-paper tonight

1940 Wed. 10:00 - Blah - I can really work up a good case of self-sympathy without half trying... I'm working instead of going on "Skip Day" tomorrow... No Soc. Banquet date... Bill hasn't called (Why should he?)...

1941 10:30 Maybe last night was what I needed to awaken me to a few things I know, at any rate, I should certainly be more careful from now on... After 2 hrs sleep + the strain I'd been through, I was just about neurotic all day -

1942 11:45 (a 7:30 exam tomorrow!) Gee, I wish that the receptionists job with Mr. Spitznagel would pan out. It's too good to think about tho. Made out my test tonight. John de P is probably mad at me for not going to Fantasia w/ him.

1943 SAT 11:55 Mr. Barkley called this aft. took me to lunch and we had a lovely time (Sherry + chicken) Played "Paper Dolls" this morning. Came home, bathed + collapsed. Washed my hair, went over to see Donna at Barnard for a while. Came home, read.

MAY 14

1939 10:50 All day I've been practically dying to crawl into bed. Here I am + am not drowsy a-tall - Eleanor's birthday + Mother's Day - We took Annie out to the park fried chicken - ice cream + angel food cake - + Bill + Ray + I went for a ride from 3:30 - 5:00 - tonight I was over at Helen's the 10 of us have fun - We discussed everything from who's to be married to white slavery!

1940 11:00 Tuesday, Another slow day - ...I haven't got my date for the society banquet - I suddenly realized! - hmm. - fine thing! - It's cold, the wind is blowing, I should sleep so I can get up + go to work tomorrow...

1941 5:20? Anyhow broad daylight. I don't think I can be quite flippant about this - For the first time in my life, my "virtue" was really endangered... I prayed to God and He gave the strength + the courage. 

1942 1:45  my God, what an Evening. Mrs. Lindseth had some wimmin over for Helen... It wasn't so bad after we escaped to the kitchen (Gee, I sound like a dirty snob!) Made outline out today. Leonard went to Rochester.

1943 FRI Oh Herman you make me MAD, sometimes. (I really appreciate LEONARD, believe me) We had steak - thick + good for dinner; saw Ethel Barrymore in the Corn is Green (It was!... I bought a little white Calot. Mrs. Stote had me get her one, too! - Got a slew of sketches.

MAY 13

1939 1:35 No more on Fridays I get a pay envelope - I quit - Georgia offered a good opportunity + I took it! I watched Ray play tennis this aft - He is getting too good for me - We went to the show tonight

1940 11:00 Wrote a lousy excuse of a letter to Eleanor - tomorrow is her birthday. - Worked all day + tonight. I'm anxious to get the damn thing done... I keep rationalizing one way and then the other about Bill - I wish someone else "interesting" would rush me like he did - almost.

1941 Oh God - Why can't the day have a few more hours in it... I suppose I'll have to say up half the night tomorrow getting those reports in! - I might as well go to bed now so it won't kill me

1942 12:00 Damn! - my class is over - why must it END? - Had a nice day - painted this aft. read H of Art - Worked on outline tonight. D.J. + I celebrated her raise + promotion!

1943 11:45 Felt quite extroverted today. Did well this morning. Got sketches everyplace just about... (Ha, Dorothy!)... Wore my black shirt felt like a fasciste. - Wasn't tired tonight Armand called me this aft. And came over tonight. He is an infant! But sweet and like Philip

MAY 12

1939 10:00 Worked this aft. Bought a new dress - plain cyclone flannel. (and no more money) We went to the school party - fun + stuff

1940 Sunday 11:00 Felt rotten most of the time today. - ...Eleanor called this morning Mother + I went to a tea out at school this aft... Clara and I started our play (ha)... talked about Bill - now I know he's not what I want All I feel is a vague sort of gaiety!

1941 11:30 Worked down at school after dinner cutting out life-savers! - The boys evidently appreciated my new girdle today. - Harley thought I looked "amazingly slender" - Bob thought I was "in very good form". tsk tsk. Such respect. - (And I love it, secretly)

1942 11:30 Floated most of the morning. About 3:30, began to FEEL it... Went to Maltese Falcon w/ J.J.... (Leonard, you'll still have to tell me the ending) Gee, it's RAINING again (I'll never get to wear my gr. dress.

1943 WED Finished writing what I hope was adequately reassuring letter to Leonard in answer to his beautiful, 4 page, but quite upset letter (on accounta what I'd said about Herman (?))... A coincidence - strangely - he had written it when Herman was proposing to me! - more than coincidence I think! Herman came over. We walked along the river.

MAY 11

1939 10:30 snokkered into my 8:00 at 8:15 this morning! Hugo still wants another oration out of me for next year (Kentucky?) But I didn't go to the meeting tonight - stayed home to iron curtains and now - Cymbaline (Ray called)

1940 3:00 Blah... I had a pretty mediocre evening - J.S. - Spence isn't a very thrilling date - even if he is S. class president... Clara hit about right when she said he had about as much S.A. as a cold potato. maybe it was because I felt awful and also because I was thinking about Bill... He called - I was very mean -

1941 12:00 - Well, kid, we're back to the innocuous mediocrity of it all again. - Finally got started on final test... Blah... We all had dinner down town - very nice (gee, I'm hungry, now) - Mother looked so pretty. Hope Wilmer can go to Chicago once more. 

1942 3:00 Darling, this was marvelous... Golly, I actually got to go to the dance, after all! Just being with Leonard reassures me terrifically! Maybe he's losing some of that undue respect for me. I hope so.

1943 TUES Was over to Lois's during the blackout. Smoked cigarettes, talked, drank milk, ate cake in the inter-rim. She's a honey. Wore my slacks over; ate dinner with Mickey. It was a wet, grey day. Why doesn't it SHINE?

MAY 10

1939 Wed 11:15 Walked 2 miles in 15 minutes when I made that Shakespeare C. this morning - Ray came over + we listened to "Lights Out" He held Eleanor's hand!

1940 Fri. Finally got a few pages "started" on my book... Went on a steak fry with Jake tonight. He has been surprisingly good... Bill did not call (Why don't I just quit thinking about him? - He was not out tonight I saw a light in his window - )

1941 ? 

1942 11:30 I reiterate Mister Payne, we WASTE time. Damn you - Why didn't ya call tonight? Just went to church w/ Mother + Dad + finished my green suit. Judged Photography Contest. 

1943 MON Herman says Scholastic is offering me the Art Job... I saw him after work today. - He is sweet... I'm really sunburned. Mrs. Stote was in this morning... I wrote to Wilmer + to Leonard today... After sitting on a Central Park bench, came home, wrapped Eleanor's gift... Called Lois C. + Barbara S.

MAY 9

1939 Tues 12:00 Drew pitchurs all morning (cut speech again) Saw Eide + S this aft. - Ray + I went to a moom pitchur tonight

1940 Thurs. I didn't see Leonard any more than just litterly - for a moment... I don't know... Worked today not on Edda - yet... I am very anxious to get on my stuff + get it over with... Bill called tonight - its just as well I was working... I might not have been able to stick by my resolution

1941 ? 

1942 1:00 (Gee, gotta get up + wash m'hair) Batted around down town + wore myself out - Bought another dusty-pink sweater. Got my shoes dyed green. And some makeup for me + m'legs + D.J., Shirley, Collins + I tore around - Tres fun. Saw Leonard.

1943 SUN 1:30 A fine, beautiful day. Got up and ironed clothes, read the N.Y. Times, took an extensive sunbath on our roof. Ushered at the tea, wore my grey dress in Herman came at 5:00 We sat by the river. Went to dinner at the Gold Rose. Went a double Feature

MAY 8

1939 10:45 Mon. Why must there be Mondays?Payed another $10 on my tuition still gobs left to pay. Ray called - 

1940 11:30 Wed. - I had lunch with Jean V. - She has let go something I didn't expect to hear - She is such It means a lot. I know now I can quit Bill - he means absolutely nothing to me.

1941 Thurs. another one of the same. All I care about is sleep. Must be an escape complex! Finally heard from Eleanor + got a card from Bob. He + Emil + Leonard maybe will be in Minneapolis - Just my luck

1942 Layout on campus all afternoon with Shirley - got slightly sunburned. D.J. + I mailed a letter (wrote to E) Gee, another week-end coming up -

1943 SAT Why oh why did I eat all that stuff? Ahh. Donna's birthday party at Barnard. I felt a little "older" - and was but enjoyed it... Knocked myself out shopping this afternoon. Gloves, blouse, dress, stationary, gift for Eleanor. Came home + washed all my clothes and my hair too. Ain't I a good girl?

MAY 7

1939 Sun 11:15 We had to work from 8 - 12:00 today rush job. I laid out in the sun from 12 - 1:00 - Played tennis this aft. Told Ray not to call this eve + then couldn't accomplish anything

1940 May 5 Sunday I had the day to myself to straighten myself up in general... Folks went to Sioux City - Bill did not call. It is damn lucky I'd made up my mind not to go with him if he did call) - Mother bought some furniture for my room yesterday - dated Jake.

1941 Existed

1942 12:20 (Hope you felt a little frustrated darling. I didn't very much) - D.J. + I went out + looked at the planes - big, olive drab bomber) Assimilated Emil, then R.H. # Wilber + Leonard - batted around - tired

1943 FRI Met Herman for dinner. We went to Toffenetti's for scallops... Then to Mission to Moscow... An excellent film... Then for a climax, a proposal. To which I could not accept and he knew it! - We talked + talked though. For the better, I think.

MAY 6

1939 1:30 Sat. Worked all day. Home. Washed hair - clothes - Tonight I saw "Union Pacific" with Ray. It rained - lovely Spring rain.

1940 Mon - Worked - had my picture taken for J.S. - ushered at Civic Music Concert. - A barytone who sang one Russian Cafe song that nearly tore my heart out.

1941 Existed.

1942 ? If I saw you often enough, maybe I'd get over you - then again maybe I wouldn't! - (Shirley read in Creative Writing tonight... She's a sweet kid, but she idolizes me too much) We went out to Billy's + danced - fun fun.

1943 THURS Had dinner with Lois + Sully at Klahe's... We had highballs first at the apartment... tsk tsk. Lois looks wonderful. She's swell. I took copy over to Mrs. Stote's... she is pale + wan. I adore her apartment. Walked over to Lois' after work... Fun today

MAY 5

1939 11:45 Marguerite's birthday We ate supper aver at Vercoe's - and talked - I certainly know a bunch of grand gals

1940 May 7 Tues - Worked 10 hrs. today. - Bill did not call - he is probably giving me ample time to regret my saying that I was not in love w/ him

1941 Academic tests. One time I was glad I wasn't a student Blanche was irked... ha... so was I... tonight we made nutcups!

1942 11:00 Gee, I hate to have Mother out so late - + working. It's cold + wet. Like to see the sun again. Leonard's going to petition to write that paper. (I'm glad) I've been reading Thomas Mann's Stories of a decade Clarifying + Confusing at once

1943 11:45 La de dah... Maybe we'll be living in an apartment by June. Gladys has a line on one. Gee I hope it works out. Met Herman for lunch. He was overwhelmed by my little ol' note... A little too much so. I meet him Friday... Mickey + I had soup tonight. Ate Good Humors. Blackout -

MAY 4

1939 11:40 Thurs. all the time I feel under a certain amt. of strain. - Mr. S. likes the stuff I've done/ But I'm going to have one helluva time getting those caricatures all in line! - 17 of the girls at school were on a picnic it was messy + loud + fairly fun

1940 2:00 Capitulate - B.C. I absolutely can't figure him out - I'm sure it's mutual. Evidently talking about it just makes matters worse. We went out to the airport + then to Elks' Club fun to a lousy beginning. Worked. Bought a new hat. (coconut straw) Ate lunch at F's + missed E.

1941 Dennis has ruined another perfectly good wk-end for me. I'm afraid this is just another case of Payneful suspense. Why is it I always want - in the worst way - the things I can't have. Allan had to use shovel again

1942 11:30 And Mother isn't home yet! And she has to Judge at Election tomorrow! Didn't touch very solid ground all day... D.J. + Clara + I went out tonight for a quick coke. Wish it'd quit raining *

1943 11:00 I don't really have any right to be at all nervous or tired - (I'm not now as much as I was) - A not tough day at all, rilly... But stayed till almost 6:00 again. Got a display story at Bloomingdales. Met Mr. Richmond... Gave + gave... sweet card from Herman. Glad he wrote it... going to bed!

MAY 3

1939 10:55 I am tired + dirty + feel dissatisfied with everything - I skipped creative writing to work on caricatures - Ray brought me home + I  ------- ! ! He felt swell

1940 11:00 I didn't go to work all day - Spent it cleaning up ad section which was literally a mess. I hope I wasn't too hard on Ross - But he's had 2 wks - Clara is so good to me.

1941 Anyhow, I went swimming today. PERFECT. Cold, tingly. 15 days of teaching school left. Had a date with Henry tonight. Never again.

1942 Sunday 3:00 Sara was home - she looked so smooth. After literally tearing me to pieces of disappointment + frustration, Leonard called - I felt shy + unnatural - for a while. Betty Boe was not included in our lengthy conversation.

1943 10:00 FINALLY A LETTER FROM DEAR Leonard... HE'S WRITTEN BOB + PEG ABOUT US - LIKE TO KNOW what HAD A RATHER DESULTORY DAY... WROTE TO MOTHER THIS MORNING, MRS. STOTE WAS ill... WE PUT THE BOOK TOGETHER LATE THIS AFT. - TILL six, IN FACT. MICKEY + I ATE UP TO THE SANDWICH SHOP. WELL... I'VE WRAPPED PEG'S PACKAGES. MUST GET TO BED early

MAY 2

1939 12:05 Tonight I saw John Barrymore - it was a thrill, all right. The stage seems more glamorous than ever - Ray was pretty tired. He averages 5 hrs a day work + with school, too. It is quite demanding. However, he managed to waste this aft. w/ me.

1940 Thurs. Bill is beginning to want a little more reassurance! He protested that he has committed himself so far + that I haven't said anything. I don't intend to. (I made him go to the Civic Theater play - I worked 7 hrs. today)

1941 What was that? (May 1 1941) tsk, what resolution, woman! Well, it did relieve the monotony, and it did do my morale good. (+ he did have to argue me into it 2 hrs.) + the wild western was fun... Washed hair, clothes, took a bath. I'm ready to work T. (dammit!)

1942 1:00 - Hell, again Sat night sans date gets me down, I'm afraid - I don't look forward to tomorrow. Thomas Mann to keep me company. D.J. + I went to a show.

1943 12:30 I think I enjoyed today very much. We went out to Mt. Vernon to see his sister - Margie liked me (I was actually nervous about the child's approval). We took a long walk about the suburb. - Well kempt. A little stuffy maybe. We didn't mention Peggy.

MAY 1

1939 10:35 If I can only get 8 good hours of sleep in! - I am cross + very stiff + tired - I wanted to get started on my caricatures but I had a lot of ironing to do tonight. Ray worked tonight so he could be off tomorrow night.

1940 Wed. - New complications. Jake is remorseful + wants to take me to the show Sunday. I refused about 3 times. I don't know - I guess I'll go. - Worked today for 5 hrs

1941 When nothing better presents itself, there's always the h.s. boys. Bob + Harley took me for a ride as I was coming home from school. Earlier Allan + I ran into Blanche w/ them! " could be easy taking. But not for me (Stick to that chum!)

1942 11:45 I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU SPOIL A perfectly GOOD WKEND FOR ME, Mister PAYNE... JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AT A PARTY WITH BETTY BOE (damn her) TONIGHT. OH NO... THIS IS THE PART WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE TOLERANT + FAINTLY AMUSED. (I'm NOT...)

1943 SAT 1:30 WELL, WE GOT PEGGY OFF okay... I HOPE SHE MAKES IT BACK TO SOUTH DAKOTA... I BOUGHT HER A WHITE BATISTE NIGHTGOWN (AND one FOR ME) AND A BLACK HAT FOR A BUCK... WAITED FOR over AN HOUR FOR PEG + DONNA at THE GARDEN. WAS WORRIED SICK... PEG LEFT AT 4:30; DONNA AND I WALKED DOWN 5TH Ave... MICKEY and I MOVED FURNITURE, CLEANED, WASHED WOODWORK, windows AND CELEBRATED WITH WAFFLES. WASHED my Hair.

APRIL 30

1939 11:40 Sunday Felt tired when I woke up. Lay out in the b. yard most of the morn - Ray + I played tennis this aft. I'm a little sunburned - Sara and Marguerite + Nessa dropped in - So did Ray half an hr. afterward. He took us all for a ride bought ice cream cones - He is too good I told him he spoiled last night for me. I hope he doesn't think I'm serious! ! 

1940 Tues. Well Je suis fini! And what a drag - Every thought I had of placing in the P de P was non existent when that M.S. went in today. It was corny. I refused a date w/ Bill.

1941 Gee what a maybasket. Lorraine and Alberta, a great big one. Lotta pink in it. I've practically decided to go to Plymouth. Don't know if I'm doing right or not.

1942 Went to Skylark with Chils + Ruth Olam... Quite dull... Bill Blake had a very close parallel in the personnel of the Augustana Art Department. -

1943 FRI [OH GOLLY, PEG - YOU ALMOST SPOILED THE evening. HOW COULD YOU?]... AND I HAD TO WAIT THIS NOON AT MCCREERY'S FOR YOU SO LONG, TOO. THIS NOON... WE MET HERMAN AT 6:15, WENT TO DINNER AT Roger's, THEN TO KISS and TELL (WHICH WAS DARLING)... AND TO Cafe Society Downtown - RUM COLLINSES, BOOGIE WOOGIE; AND HOME IN A TAXI - I SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT IT COST.