MAY 7

1939 Sun 11:15 We had to work from 8 - 12:00 today rush job. I laid out in the sun from 12 - 1:00 - Played tennis this aft. Told Ray not to call this eve + then couldn't accomplish anything

1940 May 5 Sunday I had the day to myself to straighten myself up in general... Folks went to Sioux City - Bill did not call. It is damn lucky I'd made up my mind not to go with him if he did call) - Mother bought some furniture for my room yesterday - dated Jake.

1941 Existed

1942 12:20 (Hope you felt a little frustrated darling. I didn't very much) - D.J. + I went out + looked at the planes - big, olive drab bomber) Assimilated Emil, then R.H. # Wilber + Leonard - batted around - tired

1943 FRI Met Herman for dinner. We went to Toffenetti's for scallops... Then to Mission to Moscow... An excellent film... Then for a climax, a proposal. To which I could not accept and he knew it! - We talked + talked though. For the better, I think.

MAY 6

1939 1:30 Sat. Worked all day. Home. Washed hair - clothes - Tonight I saw "Union Pacific" with Ray. It rained - lovely Spring rain.

1940 Mon - Worked - had my picture taken for J.S. - ushered at Civic Music Concert. - A barytone who sang one Russian Cafe song that nearly tore my heart out.

1941 Existed.

1942 ? If I saw you often enough, maybe I'd get over you - then again maybe I wouldn't! - (Shirley read in Creative Writing tonight... She's a sweet kid, but she idolizes me too much) We went out to Billy's + danced - fun fun.

1943 THURS Had dinner with Lois + Sully at Klahe's... We had highballs first at the apartment... tsk tsk. Lois looks wonderful. She's swell. I took copy over to Mrs. Stote's... she is pale + wan. I adore her apartment. Walked over to Lois' after work... Fun today

MAY 5

1939 11:45 Marguerite's birthday We ate supper aver at Vercoe's - and talked - I certainly know a bunch of grand gals

1940 May 7 Tues - Worked 10 hrs. today. - Bill did not call - he is probably giving me ample time to regret my saying that I was not in love w/ him

1941 Academic tests. One time I was glad I wasn't a student Blanche was irked... ha... so was I... tonight we made nutcups!

1942 11:00 Gee, I hate to have Mother out so late - + working. It's cold + wet. Like to see the sun again. Leonard's going to petition to write that paper. (I'm glad) I've been reading Thomas Mann's Stories of a decade Clarifying + Confusing at once

1943 11:45 La de dah... Maybe we'll be living in an apartment by June. Gladys has a line on one. Gee I hope it works out. Met Herman for lunch. He was overwhelmed by my little ol' note... A little too much so. I meet him Friday... Mickey + I had soup tonight. Ate Good Humors. Blackout -

MAY 4

1939 11:40 Thurs. all the time I feel under a certain amt. of strain. - Mr. S. likes the stuff I've done/ But I'm going to have one helluva time getting those caricatures all in line! - 17 of the girls at school were on a picnic it was messy + loud + fairly fun

1940 2:00 Capitulate - B.C. I absolutely can't figure him out - I'm sure it's mutual. Evidently talking about it just makes matters worse. We went out to the airport + then to Elks' Club fun to a lousy beginning. Worked. Bought a new hat. (coconut straw) Ate lunch at F's + missed E.

1941 Dennis has ruined another perfectly good wk-end for me. I'm afraid this is just another case of Payneful suspense. Why is it I always want - in the worst way - the things I can't have. Allan had to use shovel again

1942 11:30 And Mother isn't home yet! And she has to Judge at Election tomorrow! Didn't touch very solid ground all day... D.J. + Clara + I went out tonight for a quick coke. Wish it'd quit raining *

1943 11:00 I don't really have any right to be at all nervous or tired - (I'm not now as much as I was) - A not tough day at all, rilly... But stayed till almost 6:00 again. Got a display story at Bloomingdales. Met Mr. Richmond... Gave + gave... sweet card from Herman. Glad he wrote it... going to bed!

MAY 3

1939 10:55 I am tired + dirty + feel dissatisfied with everything - I skipped creative writing to work on caricatures - Ray brought me home + I  ------- ! ! He felt swell

1940 11:00 I didn't go to work all day - Spent it cleaning up ad section which was literally a mess. I hope I wasn't too hard on Ross - But he's had 2 wks - Clara is so good to me.

1941 Anyhow, I went swimming today. PERFECT. Cold, tingly. 15 days of teaching school left. Had a date with Henry tonight. Never again.

1942 Sunday 3:00 Sara was home - she looked so smooth. After literally tearing me to pieces of disappointment + frustration, Leonard called - I felt shy + unnatural - for a while. Betty Boe was not included in our lengthy conversation.

1943 10:00 FINALLY A LETTER FROM DEAR Leonard... HE'S WRITTEN BOB + PEG ABOUT US - LIKE TO KNOW what HAD A RATHER DESULTORY DAY... WROTE TO MOTHER THIS MORNING, MRS. STOTE WAS ill... WE PUT THE BOOK TOGETHER LATE THIS AFT. - TILL six, IN FACT. MICKEY + I ATE UP TO THE SANDWICH SHOP. WELL... I'VE WRAPPED PEG'S PACKAGES. MUST GET TO BED early

MAY 2

1939 12:05 Tonight I saw John Barrymore - it was a thrill, all right. The stage seems more glamorous than ever - Ray was pretty tired. He averages 5 hrs a day work + with school, too. It is quite demanding. However, he managed to waste this aft. w/ me.

1940 Thurs. Bill is beginning to want a little more reassurance! He protested that he has committed himself so far + that I haven't said anything. I don't intend to. (I made him go to the Civic Theater play - I worked 7 hrs. today)

1941 What was that? (May 1 1941) tsk, what resolution, woman! Well, it did relieve the monotony, and it did do my morale good. (+ he did have to argue me into it 2 hrs.) + the wild western was fun... Washed hair, clothes, took a bath. I'm ready to work T. (dammit!)

1942 1:00 - Hell, again Sat night sans date gets me down, I'm afraid - I don't look forward to tomorrow. Thomas Mann to keep me company. D.J. + I went to a show.

1943 12:30 I think I enjoyed today very much. We went out to Mt. Vernon to see his sister - Margie liked me (I was actually nervous about the child's approval). We took a long walk about the suburb. - Well kempt. A little stuffy maybe. We didn't mention Peggy.

MAY 1

1939 10:35 If I can only get 8 good hours of sleep in! - I am cross + very stiff + tired - I wanted to get started on my caricatures but I had a lot of ironing to do tonight. Ray worked tonight so he could be off tomorrow night.

1940 Wed. - New complications. Jake is remorseful + wants to take me to the show Sunday. I refused about 3 times. I don't know - I guess I'll go. - Worked today for 5 hrs

1941 When nothing better presents itself, there's always the h.s. boys. Bob + Harley took me for a ride as I was coming home from school. Earlier Allan + I ran into Blanche w/ them! " could be easy taking. But not for me (Stick to that chum!)

1942 11:45 I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU SPOIL A perfectly GOOD WKEND FOR ME, Mister PAYNE... JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AT A PARTY WITH BETTY BOE (damn her) TONIGHT. OH NO... THIS IS THE PART WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE TOLERANT + FAINTLY AMUSED. (I'm NOT...)

1943 SAT 1:30 WELL, WE GOT PEGGY OFF okay... I HOPE SHE MAKES IT BACK TO SOUTH DAKOTA... I BOUGHT HER A WHITE BATISTE NIGHTGOWN (AND one FOR ME) AND A BLACK HAT FOR A BUCK... WAITED FOR over AN HOUR FOR PEG + DONNA at THE GARDEN. WAS WORRIED SICK... PEG LEFT AT 4:30; DONNA AND I WALKED DOWN 5TH Ave... MICKEY and I MOVED FURNITURE, CLEANED, WASHED WOODWORK, windows AND CELEBRATED WITH WAFFLES. WASHED my Hair.

APRIL 30

1939 11:40 Sunday Felt tired when I woke up. Lay out in the b. yard most of the morn - Ray + I played tennis this aft. I'm a little sunburned - Sara and Marguerite + Nessa dropped in - So did Ray half an hr. afterward. He took us all for a ride bought ice cream cones - He is too good I told him he spoiled last night for me. I hope he doesn't think I'm serious! ! 

1940 Tues. Well Je suis fini! And what a drag - Every thought I had of placing in the P de P was non existent when that M.S. went in today. It was corny. I refused a date w/ Bill.

1941 Gee what a maybasket. Lorraine and Alberta, a great big one. Lotta pink in it. I've practically decided to go to Plymouth. Don't know if I'm doing right or not.

1942 Went to Skylark with Chils + Ruth Olam... Quite dull... Bill Blake had a very close parallel in the personnel of the Augustana Art Department. -

1943 FRI [OH GOLLY, PEG - YOU ALMOST SPOILED THE evening. HOW COULD YOU?]... AND I HAD TO WAIT THIS NOON AT MCCREERY'S FOR YOU SO LONG, TOO. THIS NOON... WE MET HERMAN AT 6:15, WENT TO DINNER AT Roger's, THEN TO KISS and TELL (WHICH WAS DARLING)... AND TO Cafe Society Downtown - RUM COLLINSES, BOOGIE WOOGIE; AND HOME IN A TAXI - I SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT IT COST.

APRIL 29

1939 2:50 Sat About all I can feel is a deep sense of relief - Responsibilities get me down. I'm so glad it's over - Spence was a very nice date - There is no one in the J.S. class I would rather have gone with - But I kept thinking of some-one else all the time

1940 Mon Worked till 12:00 I've never struggled so much over something that's really so simple - If I were only done!

1941 Have I a sense of values, or have I not? Days like today make me wonder. I don't seem to care about things. I'm mixed up. Hope I snap out of this.

1942 12:30 We had our drawing class picnic today + it was a def. success. Choir left about 3; so did we drew animals. I did all the  work of arranging (nev. again) came back to creative writing... Hypnotic session in the Art Room

1943 11:00 PEG IS IN THE THROES of GETTING READY AND PACKED - A JOB. MRS. STOTE TOOK ME TO THE Fashion Group LUNCHEON TODAY! - MANY THE BIG WIG, THERE... SHERRY FIRST, + GOOD food. STUFFY, VICTORIAN HOTEL - FUNNY PLACE... I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM Leonard THIS WEEK!

APRIL 28

1939 11:30 - Dad + Mother brought me out to school and I worked on place-cards + decorations. Ray waited for me after he got through work. He is so perfectly swell to me. He told me to have a good time tomorrow night!

1940 Sun 1:00 - Well, I quit! - I really intended to get done tonight - But after a half hour ride with Bill - what's the use?

1941 Some much needed inspiration - Foley + Yolande. - suave. Gee, what a tango. Today came the P. appointment I feel I really should go. (June 23) - And might as well begin planning for it!

1942 10:30 [Hell, such a moon - outside the air is heavy with plum blossoms - and we have so little time...] Caricatures were all over the place this A.M. - Shirley + I added our bit... Washed clothes. Heard Pres.

1943 WED I AM NERVOUS and DISGRUNTLED - FOR NO GOOD REASON. EVERYTHING SEEMS TO irritate ME! [I EVEN BOUGHT A PACKAGE of CIGARETTES] WROTE HOME, AND TO D.J.... MAYBE SHE WILL COME TO NEW YORK RODE DOWN 5TH AVE BUS STOP. SAW GOOD HOUSEKEEPING NURSERY EXHIBIT + ST. THOMAS

APRIL 27

1939 11:10 Tonight Mr. Spitznagel called me for a job - There is a chance for me to let go on some wall panels (caricatures of movie stars) at an Ice Cream Bar next to the Hollywood I hope this is one dream that doesn't fall through I'm so excited about it. Mrs. S. came out to school + as luck would have it - I was working on J.S. stuff the same sort of thing he wants! Ray brought me home We are going to J. Barrymore the 2nd

1940 Sat 1:15 Bill was awfully sweet to me tonight. I am beginning to think he is really sincere. He kids, but at the same time he means it. We went to Rebecca + window shopped (engagement rings, double beds!) - Tomorrow the last lap on the P de P

1941 FRUSTRATION, I guess that's the word for it. The night is perfect - for a picnic. And here I am - ready for bed. Dennis Lennihow, anyhow. It's all his fault. I was already to be monastic (is that the word?) And then he had to come along!

1942 11:00 BABE, you were certainly dopey today... how do you explain it? - (Maybe it's that I feel affectionate when I'm sleepy) - Leonard upset me completely this aft - or he would have but I evaded him. (hypocritical?) - over to All Saints - FOO

1943 TUES 11:30 A BUSY DAY - I LIKE 'EM LIKE THAT! - DID ILLUSTRATIONS FOR BABY SHOES... FUN... ADA and I ATE LUNCH - AND POPSICLES IN THE Park... PEG SEWED A SKIRT, I MENDED, BAWTHED... HAD A SWEET LETTER FROM Mother.

APRIL 26

1939 11:25 We heard the choir tonight. It was flawless. Mimi broke her ankle after her recital last night. Ray + Phil + Whitie + I went over to the anchor afterward - "Things" are a lot better

1940 12 What a day what a day - Clara + I did Gladys + Mabel for Student Body + over the air. I soived a luncheon for Mother - Saw Bill at the Garage Clara + I worked till 11:30 tonight. " missed a shower.

1941 It was a bootiful day, except it didn't end right. Dennis picked us up after we came out of the Pantry. (in slacks + eating ice cream cones. I could tell he had a date; because he said he would call if he got done w/ some reports. I was stupid. Should have been SWEET. - 

1942 12:45 (now, instead of so boisterous) We wenona picnic - It rained intermittently during the evening. Wrote letters today. Saw Helen Lindseth. We still have nothing in Common -

1943 Mon 1:00 Felt quite extroverted today. Rather a quiet afternoon... Ate with Eleanor Vatcher at the Garden... Peg went to New Jersey so I ate with Mickey at the Gold Rail. Went to nasty Little Foxes - ate an ice cream cone -

APRIL 25

1939 11:30 I'm rather upset. I can't can't tell whether I'm being sincere or just cheap -

1940 Bill came over + we went for a walk; he asked me if I thought I could ever be happy without knowing impt people and living on "enough" - ! ! ? ? - We bought penny candy -

1941 Well the tuition party is over, thank goodness! And it's FRIDAY... (Hope I don't waste tomorrow just waiting for Dennis to call)

1942 Sat 2:00 Just got a "special" from Virginia + read it in bed. She's swell. It was sweet of Wilber to take me out tonight. Saw King's Raw w/ D.J. this aft. we met Legend on the street!

1943 Sun 1:10 Peggy + I went to Presbyterian Church this morning, came back for breakfast, I dissipated the afternoon walking by the river, talking to Midshipmen. We went to Flight for Freedom. It's Balmy out. We got ice cream + finished up the cookies

APRIL 24

1939 11:15 I even felt slightly awful when I woke up this morning. But I felt better as the day wore on... Paid $10 of my own money out at the collitch this morning - Ray brought me home this noon + explained why he didn't call - He waited for me out at school to-night + I had gone home w/ Margaret - He called tonight there was a dust-storm. Now it rains

1940 Well - I'm dead - Clara + I had our usual post mortem after class - I don't think I'll discuss Bill with her anymore - to such length, I mean -

1941 Thurs. Not so bad - (But I have tomorrow to live through) Even I kept on top of that 7th period class. Talked too fast and lost my voice -

1942 FRI 12:00 D.J. + I just had another of our wild experiences. Got caught in a culvert - until we found the emergency break on! - I still don't know about that Tues night; but I do trust Leonard... And if anything did happen it is he who must tell me...

1943 3:45 I SLEPT UNTIL ABOUT 12:00 AFTER DINNER. GOT UP + WASHED MY HAIR + STUFF and FEEL THE BETTER FOR IT! ... Peg + I SAW Traviata THIS AFT, ATE spaghetti at TOFFENETI'S. Finally HEARD FROM DARLING LEONARD.

APRIL 23

1939 10:50 - Sunday evenings are always lonesome. I sat out on the steps and listened to a frog. Ray and I went shooting this afternoon. It was a perfect - almost summer - day... He was going to call me tonight... I went on a picnic with the girls

1940 4:00 - Well I got something done. 3 "sketches". I've been writing since one - I hope they are worth reading. Bill called tonight...

1941 Another burner, only worse. I feared for my sanity, even. But now I'm okay. Funny what a warm bath + a meal will do for your morale.

1942 Thurs 10:00! - I'm in bed + damn glad of it. Feel woozy + sneezy - hope I'm not getting Leonard's cold... Didn't see him all day - It was still windy + warm. Lee is ill. No banquet date!

1943 1:20 HERMAN TOOK ME TO DINNER; WE SAW THE PRESS Photographer EXHIBIT AT R.C.A. building... WENT TO THE HUMAN COMEDY - SO VERY VERY FINE. I CRIED, OF COURSE. MRS. STOTE BOUGHT ME A PR of WHITE GLOVES - MOTHER SENT A CARD + HANKY. I'M SO GLAD I SENT THE candy HOME.

APRIL 22

1939 12:45 Sat gr-r-r - I had to work all day. - and I made a mistake every 5 minutes. Glenn said (when he had to shoot some stuff over for me that he'd do anything for the "little blonde" - so Georgia told me!) - "little" - I love that - Too bad he's engaged I really intended to relax this evening, but played bridge at Marguerite's - I haven't been seeing nearly enough of the girls - Ray called right after M. - I was rather glad to have an excuse - no that I didn't want to see him - But mustn't so often

1940 I can barely manage to write about today - I have never been in quite such an emotional mess in my life - Last night's set to with Dad + then Jake + Mick this morning. Mr. Eide + Leonard + Mother helped.

1941 oh, that this hellish week were over - just got done recording grades - a farce. And such a lot of labor.

1942 Wed 12:30 oh sweet night - B.Boe hung around the art dept all day. She actually came to Creative Writing, too! - But Leonard the darling asked me out. We - + Bill + Shirley went out to Billy's. I'm reassured.

1943 12:30 GOT THE so beautiful PICTURES OF Leonard. I BURST INTO TEARS UNEXPECTEDLY WHEN I SAW HIM LOOKING LIKE HE THOUGHT OF ME... Gee, THEY ARE good. I'D FORGOTTEN HOW FINE HE IS, almost. I GOT A STORY ON BABY PANTS; A COUPLE SKETCHES. WE ATE AT HOTEL Madison THIS NOON; DONNA CAME OVER Mickey AND I LOOKED FOR Rooms.

APRIL 21

1939 1:15 Friday We went to chapel to-gether - I wrote a Shakespeare test on "Othello" - worked this aft. - Jeanette MacDonald was in town. We went downtown to catch a glimpse of her before the concert and didn't - Ray + I went to a movie. He told me I looked like Constance Bennet! I've definitely got to hold on to myself a bit more.

1940 12:00 - My God, what a mess! - Dad really made a scene when I came in tonight. If mother feels that way, I'd give up Bill that quick... I'm sure I'm not going to fall for that mug. -

1941 oh hell!

1942 Tues Oh lonely evening + blue. - Mother went to Brookings today. (Beg pardon, bridged an election). Rhoda Meyer came out to school this afternoon. She's swell. I washed clothes.

1943 11:30 MRS. STOTE LIKED Baby Shoes. I WAS GRATIFIED... I SENT A REGISTERED letter + 2 PACKAGES (DRESS, CANDY) TO MRS. L.C. UTLEY OUT IN MARKET THIS afternoon. WITHOUT MUCH success. CAME HOME TIRED, PEG + I HAD DINNER + WENT TWO A MOVIE - "Hired Wife"! - SHE IS rather DOWN. I'LL MISS HER

APRIL 20

1939 9:40 - Thur) - I cut speech so I could work all morning  -  Walked several miles to-day. - I ran into Mr. Lee down town + helped him pick out a green neck-tie + Ray came after me at school this aft we went down to high school to watch the goons go bye -

1940 2:15 - Had waited up till I got home! - You'd think I was 16 instead of 21. - Well - Bill thinks - after tonight, I'm sure - that I'm in love with him... He really sounds sincere - I can't figure him out.

1941 20 I guess) Back again - + I still haven't those damn papers corrected - Dennis called - same song; but with variations, this time. I must be getting pretty cheap. (At least I struggled!) But D is so elemental, pretense that I didn't want him to kiss me seemed hypocritical! -

1942 Mon Damn that Betty Boe - she worked on Leonard all afternoon. If he succumbs to this, I resign - He sent me a flower + my cut on the Beck job - But I won't keep it! D.J. + I went to Dick's recital. Bored

1943 12:15 TUES $100.00 BOND FROM Mlle. D. ZACK SAYS "Lunch?" I HOPE WE DO, SOMETIME... I'M EATING TOO MUCH... WROTE SHOE ARTICLE... WAS OUT IN THE MARKET THIS AFT. FOUND LITTLE CHURCH AROUND THE CORNER THIS NOON. STAYED, AND FELT BETTER FOR IT - MOTHER WROTE, dearly. PEG + I ate at garden

APRIL 19

1939 12:20 (Wed) Today I saw the wild geese flying. The sky was bright blue and 4 or 5 flocks went winging their way west... It was beauty... I worked this afternoon - went to a "church dinner" left in time for cr. wr. class and Ray brought me home... I've got to do something... I don't have a will of my own

1940 Virginia F's mother had us over to dinner... it was her birthday - Can we be getting to be 22? - worked down at Printers. -

1941 (17) - 1:00 - Makin' out a test... Worried... Oh Hell...

1942 Sun I DON'T GET IT, MISTER PAYNE... YOU CAN COMMIT YOURSELF on WEDNESDAY + THEN LEAVE ME TO MYSELF ON A WHOLE WEEK-END. JUST DON'T MAKE ME BITTER, that's all (faculty party. - picked crocuses)

1943 11:30 OF COURSE, IT RAINED BECAUSE IT WAS Monday... Mrs Stote + I enjoyed being alone - Out this morning did okay... PEG + I WROTE TO OUR LOVES; WE ATE RY CRISP.

APRIL 18

1939 10:40 I really accomplished very little today - But I enjoy doing nothing, I guess. J.S. committee meeting - I've got to start clicking on that. Wyman + I haggled - but not seriously.  - Ray came after me out to school this aft. We rode around a while. - When he brought me home - he took advantage of the fact that no-one was home - tsk tsk!

1940 11:00 - Men are rats... I went on a picnic with the gals tonight... because I wasn't home the 2nd time Bill called, he didn't call again - oh well, oh hell, tout passe. -

1941 (19) THERE IS SO MUCH PRETENDING. I SHOULD KNOW... BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE TO, TO SOME EXTENT... LEONARD CALLED AGAIN + HAD TO TAKE IT WITH BOB. IF HE REALLY WANTS ME, HE'LL KEEP IT UP I HOPE HE ISN'T PRETENDING!

1942 Sat OH FRUSTRATION... I'd been preparing myself all day for not having a date, but still couldn't help being miserable. Cut out plaid.

1943 SUN OH IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING And it was quite a beautiful day. I wrote to Eleanor + Clara. Ate a nice dinner at Childs (Nat came with me) I walked down to Evelyn Nilsens' - where I was fed gingerbread and 5 cups of coffee! Didn't go to Carnegie! - Peg + I talked